Say What?!

The Sappy Post

2012-01-27T08:21:00.000-04:00

Last night I was reading through my twitter feed and came across a friend who tweeted that she was having one of those moments where she wanted to leave everything behind and run from her current life. Don’t we all know how that feels from time to time? I was just saying to K. yesterday that being stuck in this pregnancy-anticipatory stage is seriously getting to me. I can’t have my old life back, and I know my life is going to change drastically and be very difficult at times. I just want the baby to come so we can get on with establishing “the new normal,” you know? But we must wait until baby is ready.

Waiting to become a parent is terrifying. There are absolutely times I have felt like running, at least running backwards in time to before the baby was conceived so that we could just not conceive him and go on living our status quo. But you know what? When I really look deep down inside, the status quo was getting really, really old. I wasn’t growing as a person anymore. There was something missing that I knew I wouldn’t be able to fill with all the career aspirations and good wifely acts in the world.

Then I started thinking about regrets. I’ve never been one to have many legitimate regrets in life. Everything I’ve done and all the things that have happened to me have brought me to where I am today. I looked down at my baby bump and then over to my perfect, amazing husband and it hit me – I would change nothing. I would live my life over again in its exact entirety as long as it would bring me back to this man and this child we’ve created. I know it sounds terribly sappy – I’m sorry if you dislike reading it. I’ve never been afraid of being alone in my entire life. I know I can live independently and successfully. I just don’t WANT to live without this wonderful man and this beautiful baby who is on his way. This is my life that I have chosen, and although we all periodically wish we could take a vacation from our day-to-day reality, I would never want to be away for long.

Twenty-Six

2012-01-25T08:44:00.000-04:00

On an unspecified nearby date, I turn 26. Anyway, in honour of turning another year older, here are 26 things vaguely related to my birthday

1. I will be 26 when I give birth to our first baby.

2. I get to take most of my 26th year off of work as maternity leave, which I’m just a little excited about.

3. If everything works out accordingly, I’ll also be starting a post-graduate college certificate in my 26th year.

4. It’s looking like I’ll probably have to lose 26 lbs in my 26th year as well, once the baby comes.

5. At 26, one can no longer lay any claim to being in their early twenties. I guess I’m mid-twenties.

6. My husband started kind of freaking out about getting closer to 30 when he turned 26. I don’t really get the obsession some people have with fearing age 30. It’s hardly a big deal (in my books).

7. The one age-related thing that does occasionally trip me up is thinking about how many years it’s been since any given memory. It’s amazing how fast the years pass by.

8. Time really does seem to accelerate as you age. I’m told this phenomena becomes even more ‘speedy’ once children come along.

9. In May, K. and I will have been together for 5 years.

10. Sometimes I just dislike being a certain age for no apparent reason. I hated being 14, for example, and I hated being 22. So far, I don’t like the sounds of 26. It’s just such a non-age.

11. 26 is not my favourite number (okay, I know that was cheap, but 26 things relating to one’s age or life is HARD!!)

12. I don’t really enjoy celebrating my birthday. I just don’t see a need to be the centre of attention. I don’t usually tell people when my birthday is. It’s not even on facebook, so I won’t get the annoying slew of wall posts from people I haven’t spoken to in years.

13. As an extension, while I don’t MIND celebrating other people’s birthdays, I hate when people are all, “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND IF YOU DON’T I WILL THINK LESS OF YOU”

14. I once tried to convince a friend that his birthday was not for five more days. I was sure he’d told me April 21st, so he called me to chat on April 16th and told me it was his birthday and I didn’t believe him (to be fair, he did love to say things in a deadpan tone).

15. I kind of thought I would be a bigger deal in my career by now. I’m working on making sure I can be a big deal by my early thirties now.

16. As a teenager, I absolutely thought it was fine to be married, own a home, and have a kid by mid-twenties.

17. In my early twenties (university era), I thought it would be impossible to be married, own a home, and have a kid by my mid-twenties. I was going to be a career woman!

18. Now in my mid-twenties, I am totally surprised that I am married, own a home, and am about to have a kid at this age. My values have changed and I am not ALL about the career anymore.

19. I find it amazing how varied the lives of my peers can be. Some are still in school and/or living at home. Some are working but not in career jobs yet. Some are married or engaged, some own homes, some have kids, some don’t. Some have been world travelers and philanthropists, others haven’t strayed from home.

20. I really did not think I would live in Nova Scotia past university. I also didn’t think I would marry someone who couldn’t follow me for my career choices (but in fact I did the opposite – I married someone whom I am required to follow for HIS career choices – willingly!)

21. It’s weird that when you have a little cousin or friend’s child, you always remember them as a particular age. For instance, my friend’s little brother was 8 years old when I met him almost ten years ago. In my mind he will always be 8, and I have a hard time with the fact that he is 17 now.

22. There was never a time in my life when I didn’t want to be older up until about 23 years old. I always wanted to be an adult.

23. Now I don’t mind the idea of aging, but I don’t want to wish my time away because it has so many implications – aging family members, less time to achieve certain goals, health, etc.

24. One of my goals for the upcoming year is to be a better family member and friend – observe birthdays and anniversaries in a timely manner, call/visit regularly, be generous with my time, etc.

25. I wish that in my 26 years, I had learned how to do my hair so that it has a fighting chance of still looking nice by the end of the day.

26. When I’m twice this age, 52, I hope K. and I are empty nesters and financially able to retire. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure the retirement scenario is a reality.

The Serious Post - being a grown-up

2012-01-17T09:02:00.000-04:00

Yes, I’ve gotten serious. Serious about making sure that I function as a grown-ass adult. Since university, I have gotten more and more lazy – neglecting chores, organization, and parts of normal grown-up life such as “maintaining a budget” and “cooking/eating dinner at home”. I find myself feeling inconvenienced by anything requiring the slightest bit of effort on my part outside of work. I’m sick and tired of feeling and acting selfish because it’s not congruent with my values. With a baby well on his way and career aspirations that require effort to attain, I need to get my act in gear.

How I’ve been tackling my life, step by step:

- Maintaining a strict cash budget since September 2011. This has really helped us tackle our finances in a meaningful way, but we in no way feel deprived.

- Buying groceries with cash means I have to plan my meals. Since January 1, I have been doing a weekly meal plan to assist with the grocery list. My next challenge is to pare down this weekly grocery budget a bit.

- Cleaning up after supper right away – putting away leftovers, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the counters. Often we would just leave the dishes haphazardly in the kitchen until one of us felt like cleaning it up, which was often the next day. It’s so gross to wake up in the morning and find yesterday’s dishes sitting on the stove.

- Doing small things that keep me more prepared and less stressed – planning my outfit and packing my lunch the night before. This, in turn, allows me more time in the morning to fix my hair and makeup so I look like I’ve made an effort.

- Keeping a daily running to-do list both at work and at home. This gives me small tasks to accomplish, and makes me feel great when I check something off. More often than not, these “small things” are really very important but take little effort or time.

- Starting this week, I’m aiming to tackle one chore a day. One chore definitely shouldn’t be too taxing or time consuming, and if K. & I both do one a day, our house won’t get out of control.

- Overall – making an effort to finish things that I start. I have an awful habit of jumping gung-ho into something and then getting distracted by something else before I can finish.

I've also been keeping a little daily record of how actually tackling these things is making me feel - over all I go to bed less stressed, more relaxed, and feeling a lot less anxious about what's to come. The benefit of actually keeping up with life to the best of my ability is that if something comes at me that is above and beyond my abilities, I don't need to feel guilty about it because I've already fulfilled all of my obligations so they're not hanging over my head as extra baggage.

Still to come – I need to figure out how to be a better family member and friend. Seriously. I hate the phone so I never call relatives, and I rarely remember birthdays or get things mailed out on time. I need to get it together!

Have you ever had a moment where you realized you need to grow up and be an adult about something? Could be relationships, punctuality, working out, chores...anything really.

I resolve nothing!

2012-01-02T20:25:00.000-04:00

By now, just about everyone on this Earth must know I'm not a fan of being pregnant Stoic, I am not. I'm thankful to be able to bring a child into this world and I recognize the gift I've been given, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy the nine months of craziness that leads up to the birth of the child. It also doesn't mean I have to be thankful for the sleepless nights to come, and the struggle to find my way as a parent. I just simply need to be thankful to be a parent and to have a child when the time comes and do my best as a mother. At this point, I'm almost certain that I don't want to do this more than once.

I never make resolutions for New Year's - it always seemed like a pointless practice. Why should I punctuate my life with the passing of another year? Life is continuous and doesn't begin or end by the calendar year's passage. Even more absurd would be to make any sort of resolution in the year that brings the birth of our first child. I have a general idea what being a new parent is like, and the first word that comes to mind is "unpredictable". Not wanting to set myself up for failure, I'm going to see what parenthood brings before I try to manage it.

One thing has become crystal clear to me, though - It is SO important to me to have an active, healthy lifestyle with or without baby. Pregnancy has been a sneak peak (mild as though it might be) of what it might be like if my health did not support a physically active lifestyle. The tiredness, apetite changes, mood swings, dizziness, nausea, headaches, and more, that I experienced in the first half of my pregnancy thwarted any attempt to be active. More recently, I'm running out of lung space rendering it harder to breathe, my size is making it harder to move with ease, and round ligament pain can strike during even the shortest, most leisurely of walks. Luckily, when the baby comes out, I will in all probability be able to return to a physically active lifestyle gradually with little interference from my own body. It really has me counting my blessings that these changes are temporary and not due to health complications, and has made me see how important it is to (a) embrace the ability to be physically active, and, (b) keep myself in good health and shape. I didn't realize that I valued exercise and the ability to dance, walk, jog, bike, hike, etc at will.

I have been physically complacent and out of shape in the past, but there was nothing stopping me from picking up and making the effort to improve my fitness. Now that there are greater obstacles than "It's hard," or "I don't want to," or "I was so sore the day after my last workout," I'm so thankful that I'm an overall healthy person and that this pregnancy is a temporary obstacle.

Giving me hope is another recent new mommy that just cleared her 6 week post-partum check-up and is already getting in a few runs a week. I hope I have the mental fortitude to pull that off - I know it won't be easy to take the time to myself a few times a week with all the demands of being a new mommy, but I also know I'll be a million times better off both physically and mentally if I just make it happen.

So...here I am, resolving nothing, but repeating the mantra "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this".

Career Counseling - How Do I Get Started?

2011-11-22T16:22:00.000-04:00

I’ve been mulling my career aspirations over and over in my head. The only conclusion I’ve really come to so far is that I want to become a career advisor or counselor. I have struggled so much with finding my life’s passion and putting it to work for me. Providing this kind of guidance to others who are struggling really appeals to me.

• I would be dealing with people in a positive way – getting to know them, their natural abilities, and provide them with information about what careers are out there that they may enjoy.

• I would be working in a field directly related to psychology, in which I have an honours degree.

• I have taken a vocational psychology course and know enough about it to know I’d enjoy it.

• I would be able to work for myself or hire myself out to organizations, as required

• Eventually I should be able to have my own business and set my own lifestyle accordingly.

Now that I know this is what I want, I need to start setting goals to get there. First, though, I have many questions about becoming a career counselor:

• Do I NEED my masters in career counseling? I’m neither financially nor mentally prepared to pursue that level of schooling at this point in my life, right on the brink of motherhood.

• Are there other professional designations/accreditations that can be obtained to allow me to practice a more basic level of career counseling (use of more basic personality inventories/aptitude measure tools, etc?). If so, I would be in a good position to start any such program a lot sooner than if I had to pursue a masters degree.

• Are there volunteer positions out there that would help me accumulate some experience and knowledge while I’m in transition?

Interestingly, I read an article the other day about turning your passion into your work. I wish I could remember where the article came from, but it said you don’t need to be a well-educated expert with many years experience to make it work. While I agree that certainly is the case for some pursuits, I’d argue that nobody wants to see a career counselor who doesn’t have any way of finding out your real life passions , abilities, and personality aside from asking regular old questions.

If you saw someone for advice on your career, would you expect to take personality tests and questionnaires? What would make you trust that career advisor and their expertise? Would a vested interest in you and your success be enough?

Boredom Buster List

2011-11-22T13:36:00.000-04:00

Lately, I’ve been finding myself bored. There’s really no excuse for this, since there is no shortage of things I ~~could~~ should be doing. But gestating a new living being seems to take a big old chunk of my energy and motivation and renders it inaccessible/unavailable.

Here’s a list of things I’m going to refer to when I find myself bored over the next few weeks:

• Cleaning something (anything). My house frequently looks like the Kitty Cat Corral with all the fur floating around, and there’s always something that needs tidying or cleaning.

• Bake for the holidays! I have many dozens of cookies to crank out over the next week and a half in time to mail them to various relatives.

• Work – I need to bank 8 hours in order to get the full week off between Christmas and New Year’s. And there is no way I am going to come to work for one measly day.

• Wrap presents. I have many of them bought. I just need to wrap them. I was thisclose to wrapping some of them last night…..then I got lazy.

• Go for a walk. I have been sooooo lazy it's disgusting, especially since the time change. I hate walking around in the dark.
• Cook some freezer meals to make life easier in the coming months.

• Put my guitar, wedding dress, and coach bag on Kijiji. It’s money that’s just sitting there.

***Side tracked rant*** So I go on kijiji looking for a chest freezer – with a third person coming to our household, I need more freezer space for freezer meals, freezing milk, etc. Anyway, I see a plethora of descriptive ads telling me size, age, price, colour etc of the item for sale. Most have photos, too. Then I see an ad, no photo, with a title that says “For Sale, Small Danby Freezer”. I click on the ad to find out if it’s a chest or stand-up freezer, approximately how old it might be, really ANYTHING, and all the damn body of the ad says is, “Small Danby Freezer”. Dear ad poster – did you not look around kijiji and see what generally passes as the standard for posting an ad? Do you enjoy answering the same basic questions from each and every person who responds to you ad?

• Make my baby registry

• Organize my photos and order prints

• Update my iPhone to iOS 5. This is going to take hours because my laptop is soooooo slow with these updates.

• Take my laptop in to get it cleaned up. I’m sure there is far too much spyware, etc, for my liking. Hence the aforementioned slowness.

• Cuddle time with hubby. Too often we are sitting in the same room, television on, iPhones in hand, completely ignoring one another. We've been making a real effort lately to set aside time for us to be together and present in each other's world.

• Video game time with hubby. He appreciates this, and I am making an effort to stop being the one who gets their way on what we do.

What do you do when you're bored? Do you make an effort to be productive or just to do something you enjoy?

Twitter Challenge

2011-11-19T09:50:00.000-04:00

My husband has issued a challenge to the twitter world. He said if he reaches 500 followers by January 1, 2012, he will write a real actual book on a topic of his followers' choice. Because I love seeing people, even my loved ones, get a taste of their own ill-conceived medicine, please help me help him achieve his goal by following @keeganbulger on Twitter.

Buyer's Remorse

2011-11-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

I was thinking today about stuff I bought recently that I regret. It doesn’t happen very often, since I usually only buy stuff I need or at least have desperately wanted for long enough that it’s not just a whim. Every once in a while, though, even a well-planned purchase can leave one with that uncomfortable feeling of buyer’s remorse.

1. A bright pink iPhone case with white polka dots ($20) – After realizing my old case was filthy after two years of use, trying to clean it and having no success, I started looking for a new 3Gs case. Of course, I started looking right after the iPhone 4 was released, so many of the stores had already liquidated their 3Gs cases. While travelling for work, I forgot a charger and had to buy a cheap one, and ended up buying this new cover on a whim. My mistake: Not handling it before buying. It was cheap and added enough bulk to the phone that it felt uncomfortable in my hand.

2. A pair of flat black shoes ($45) – I bought these out of necessity back in the summer. I love heels, but being pregnant, I knew I would want a good pair of dressier flats to wear throughout my pregnancy for comfort. I bought them from a store I know and trust. After wearing them twice, I realized they’re too small, and the insole was already detached from the sole and bunching uncomfortably. My mistake: I glanced quickly and thought the whole shoe was leather, which would allow them to stretch to my foot. Turns out the inside was leather, but the outside was synthetic. Also, I didn’t return them as soon as I found out the insole was peeling and then lost the receipt.

3. Cross-body sachel style bag ($45) – This was purchased because I thought it would be good weight distribution while pregnant and generally more convenient, and I was also very sick of having my handbag slip off my shoulder every few minutes while shopping, etc. My mistake: I actually found the weight a lot heavier on my shoulder while cross-body than I ever did for a similarly sized/weighted handbag. Also, a part of it came unsewn less than a week after I bought it and I never returned it.

That’s $110 essentially wasted over the course of about 4 months.
I know it could have been a lot worse, but the fact is $90 of that $110 was wasted because I procrastinated returning a faulty/non-functional product that I had every right to return. When I look at it that way, it makes me a lot more likely to make returns as needed in the future. There is just no sense in wasting that kind of money. Especially, as in the case of the shoes, when I end up having to replace them with a similarly priced product down the road.

When's the last time you felt buyer's remorse? Have you ever essentially wasted money because you just put off making a return until the return limit expired?

23 weeks, 4 days preggo: Kim meets her OB/GYN

2011-11-17T15:51:00.000-04:00

Because I literally HAVE TO chronicle some of my pregnancy on this blog, I’m gonna tell you all about my first OB/GYN appointment today. Nothing too graphic, but if you don’t enjoy reproductive/women’s health discussion, you should probably go read other posts on money or ballet or something.

I've been gestating for 23 weeks and 4 days, and I finally got to meet my OB/GYN (she was a random referral from my family doc). I didn’t get to gather much of an impression yet, though, because a medical student did most of my appointment. He did all my history and some brief physical stuff – blood pressure, listen to heart and lungs, check lymph nodes, etc. And let me tell you – he was hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed an appointment so much.

So this guy looks like he is somewhere around my age, fit by all appearances, and not as chronically tired as I expected from a med student. He seemed a little unsure of himself and moderately awkward, but he took his time (to the tune of one hour!) and was very thorough. Here are some highlights from our appointment

Med Student: Have you had any cramping?

Me: Only in the first trimester, and it was very mild

MS: Can you describe it for me?

Me: It just felt like mild menstrual cramps

Humourously awkward pause….

MS: And what does that feel like?

Me: Um, it’s kind of hard to describe, I guess you don’t really have a frame of reference do you?

.......

Med Student: Is your cycle regular?

Me: Yes, within a day or two

MS: And how long is it?

Me: ….28 days

MS: [smirking] I didn’t know about that stuff until I started this. Someone told me 40 days once and I had no idea that was even possible.

........

Med Student: And now I have to ask you some racist questions

........
Med Student [to both husband and I]: And you’re not, like, closely related or anything are you? You’d be surprised when we ask some people

......

Med Student: And are you eating nutritiously? I get the feeling I probably don’t have to ask you.

Me: Well I had a terrible aversion to vegetables my first trimester so I tried to eat lots of fruit instead. And I was eating pretty junky then.

MS: I get the sense that your idea of junky is not the same as some people we get here.

.....

Med Student [while feeling for top of uterus]: Did you, like, do sports or fitness stuff before…

Me: …before I got pregnant?

MS: Yeah.

Me: Yeah, I took ballet

MS: Because you have big, defined abs. Some people are just all soft up here but I can still feel your abs clearly defined.

.......

After the med student was finished, my OB/GYN came in and complimented my belly, and then told me everything looks great and normal and wonderful. Great!

Next test: Gestational Diabetes blood screen (routine for every pregnancy)

Next appointment: 4 weeks from now, or 27 weeks (WHOA!).

T'is the Season to Stress Out

2011-11-15T12:51:00.000-04:00

This year has me stressing out about Christmas big time for a few major reasons:

1. In less than 4 months, I’m going to have a baby. Them thar baby-things are expensive. Not to mention the unattractive prospect of making a lot less money for a year while on maternity leave.

2. Last year my Nan was in the hospital doing very poorly at Christmas time. We weren’t sure she was going to make it, and Christmas was a very sad time for me. She is still with us, thank the powers that be, and in a nursing home, but it’s still touch and go. I feel like I have a sadness hangover from last year, and the pregnancy hormones are really not helping.

3. We make good money as a couple, but every single year there is something preventing us from giving BIG the way I would want to. We had a wedding, we bought a house, and now we’re having a baby. Next year at this time I’ll have only 55% of my income coming in. That’s 4 years in a row of having to be careful at Christmas time.

4. Fighting the stress and anxiety from all those factors, plus trying to make sure we get Maximum Enjoyment out of our last strictly adult/child-free Christmas together, makes me wonder what exactly we’re going to do to make it all special?

5. My company’s fiscal year is the same as the calendar year, so it’s busy-busy-busy as we try to wrap up a million things here at work before January, plus being in HR, we’re basically responsible for Christmas Cheer and that makes a lot of clerical work on top of it all…

Here’s what I’m doing to combat my stress and anxiety:

1. Trying not to worry about baby “stuff” until after Christmas. We’ll probably get gift cards and then there will be good sales following Christmas, so there is really no sense in putting the cart before the horse.

2. Honestly – as far as Nan goes, there is not much I can do to combat the sadness I feel. I can be thankful she’s still with us and hopeful that she’ll still be with us past Christmas. But that’s only if it’s right for her to be here. I can also avoid the Christmas Eve service at my childhood church because I can’t get through it without tears (Nan was the organist and then we would go celebrate until late into the evening after the service at Nan’s. The whole family would go, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.)

3. I have bought things online, and I’m hand-making some items to save money. I can put a lot of time and care into packaging and cards and spend time with family so they get that I’m trying, but I don’t have the means to go overboard. At the end of the day, I need to be okay with the fact that I think it’s ridiculous to being paying for Christmas into the New Year.

4. I’m taking the week between Christmas and New Year’s off work. I’m going to make New Year’s plans in advance because I highly doubt we’ll have the freedom to care about New Year’s Eve for a long time. I’m going to spend a lot of “us time” with my husband.

5. *Sigh*….I will just have to try and keep up, I guess.

Shopping and Other Weekend Fun

2011-11-14T09:48:00.000-04:00

After obsessing about shopping guilt all day Thursday (see my post on when one spouse makes less than the other spouse), I decided to just buy one thing I have been wanting/needing. My pregnant feet are starting to get too angry for heels and I have no flat shoes that are appropriate for skirts, tights, etc. Off I went to Aldo Shoes to pick up the pair of red flats I’ve been coveting since late summer. They started out at $65 and lucky for me, they are on sale now for $44.95! They're all leather so they will stretch with my feet if needed and generally last longer than synthetic.

http://www.aldoshoes.ca/ Howett style

Thursday night was the tax-free event at the local mall. Since our sales tax in good ol’ Nova Scotia is a ripe 15% (uggggh!), it would save me almost $6 off my purchase price to buy the shoes at that mall. Hubby and I went to Rotten Ronnie’s for supper, and then went to the mall. The mall was packed, of course. Turns out they didn’t have the shoe I was looking for in that store – a very bad sign when you’ve been obsessing over it for months – and it was too busy for me to bother asking for help checking out other stores. The fast food wasn’t sitting so well, anyway.

Luckily, there’s another Aldo store about 5 minutes away, so I dragged hubby there. I walked in (the store was empty because everyone was trying their tax free luck) and saw my shoesies immediately. Tried on the 8 – too small. No 9 in-store. At this point I’m not feeling so hot because the Rotten Ronnie’s is starting to hit me, and I know I probably don’t have much time to find a bathroom, but the nice store associate said she would check the other stores nearby for me so I let her. Bad news – nobody has a size 9 east of Quebec. Damn. But all is not lost! She said they could order them for me so I wouldn’t have to pay shipping like I would if I ordered online. Additionally, they can be shipped directly to my house instead of to the store and I still don’t have to pay shipping. WIN!

By the time I was finishing the transaction I had to commit the most embarrassing of sins – I had to ask if they had a bathroom in the store I could use (it’s an outdoor shopping area so there is no easily accessible public washroom). Their bathroom was apparently broken, and the staff had been using the washroom at a nearby café instead. At this point, I wasn't so sure I was going to make it. I pretty much ran out the door and since the café appeared to be closing, had hubby rush me to the nearest Tim Hortons. Here is how desperate the situation was – I fished my phone out of my pocket before running inside so that if I crapped my pants before I got to the bathroom, I could call K. to run home and grab me clean ones to change into. All because I just had to have those damn shoes NOW!

Other fun things I did this weekend:

-Bought life insurance. I have life insurance through our group insurance policy at work, but it is only twice my salary. It would pay off my student loan and funeral costs, but nothing more. It wouldn’t make my husband’s life any easier trying to take care of our child on one salary, and it wouldn’t take care of my portion of the mortgage. I wasn’t entirely comfortable knowing that if anything happened, he would have struggles ahead, so I bought more. Lots more. And now, if anything happens he won’t have to worry.

- Got a major chunk of my Christmas shopping done for some of my toughest family to shop for. I did most of it on Amazon.ca with free shipping and was able to pay a considerable amount less than I would pay if I had purchased the same item from an actual brick and mortar store. Normally I prefer shopping in actual stores for the experience, but I’m almost six months pregnant and determined to save as much money as possible. I just don't have the energy to run around like I normally would.

How do you prefer to get your Christmas shopping done? Are you a last minute shopper or pre-planner? Do you break the bank or spend moderately?

Couple Finances - When You Make Less Than Your Partner

2011-11-10T10:05:00.000-04:00

This morning I had to do battle with my wardrobe, and it wasn’t pretty. Day after day, I get up, put on something that qualifies as appropriate for our reasonably casual office (sometimes barely appropriate), and carry on. I feel frumpy and plain.

I’ve had this standing battle with my wardrobe since shortly after my husband and I combined finances, right before we bought our house about a year ago. It definitely simplified our financial lives and made it much easier to track our money, but now I have this massive guilty complex when it comes to shopping.

My husband is not materialistic. He buys things for himself only when absolutely needed. He doesn’t have a video game or techie addiction so he doesn’t need to buy games, consoles or other electronic gadgets. He buys tools only as needed for home projects (which he enjoys, but ultimately it’s for the good of the household, not himself). Ladies, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy he is not a boy with his toys but it has its own downsides.

For that matter, I’m not hugely materialistic either. Ok, LIES, I admit. I love stuff. I love makeup and fashion and gadgets, but I just can’t always see the practicality in buying things I don’t need. I’ve never been a big shopper, usually opting to shop only when I need things (admittedly, my definition of need is a bit looser and could be replaced with ‘want’ often, but everything I buy has a function and gets worn over and over and over again).

When we had separate accounts though, I never felt guilty about buying myself something I really liked or needed. I made every cent that went into my account, and once my financial goals and obligations were met, I was free to spend the rest of it however I saw fit.

The whole joint finances thing has really thrown me out of balance, though. My husband makes almost twice what I do, and all our money co-mingles in the same account. He wants and needs less than I do, so I feel incredibly guilty about making half but spending double what he does on stuff I can usually make do without. So what if I’ve needed a pair of flat shoes for six months? I OWN other kinds of shoes, and I can dress around them. So what if none of my pants truly fit and I feel frumpy every day? So what if I’ve been wearing the same work appropriate tops on repeat for three or four years and I’m so sick of looking at them that I could spit?

Well, I end up having mornings like this morning, standing in my bedroom, realizing that I haven’t felt good about anything I put on my body for about a year. I actually just started crying after I got dressed in these terribly cheap, uncomfortable grey pants and this blue shirt I’ve had since before my husband and I met.

Strangely enough, it’s all self-induced guilt. K. has never once criticized me for buying things, because he knows I won’t put us in jeopardy. He has never once complained that he doesn’t get to buy things for himself. When I get petulant and say I’m just going to buy whatever, he is always just fine with that. So why do I put myself through the misery? Even the money I budget for shopping (not very much – I don’t see why I should budget for frivolity that only I will enjoy) I feel bad spending.

If you’re reading this, and you have similar circumstances (joint finances, making less than your partner) how do you get past the guilt of buying non-necessities in order to actually have things you don’t completely hate? Am I being too hard on myself? Is there some kind of strategy I can use to break this cycle?

Be All You Can Be

2011-11-07T15:30:00.001-04:00

I’ve tried a few times now to write a blog post. Perhaps I bring up an empty word document and quit, or maybe I make it part or even all of the way through a draft before deciding, “No. That’s dumb. Who wants to hear about that?”

Truth be told, life has been pretty boring. Between pregnancy (which oddly, I don’t really want to post about because it’s not something everyone cares about or can relate to) and work, I haven’t been following any life passions, nor doing anything really cool or exciting. I’ve been moody. I’ve been tired and lackluster. I’ve been laying low.

Additionally, although I’m cooking up a new life in my belly, it’s not here *yet* and I sometimes have trouble getting past day-to-day negativity to see the majesty and miracle of exactly what is coming to us. Work is not an ideal situation for me, my grandmother is nearing her end of days and has been quite ill for about a year, money is tight as we haul in the reigns to prepare for maternity leave, and things are just not seeming as rosy as they could. My parents have experienced no shortage of hardship over the last 5 years and, honestly, I feel stressed out on their behalf and always wishing I could do more for them. I wish they lived closer so I could see them more and give them more of my time and effort to ease whatever burdens they’ve been facing. My mom has taken a part-time job and hasn’t been happy with it, and I also rarely get to talk to her these days as a result.

It all leads me to wonder, is it going to get better when I have a baby to dote on? Or worse when I try to juggle motherhood in addition to all the things that are bothering me now? Even if I had the answer to this question, there is sweet nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing this whole other dimension of my life, though, and I don’t know if what I am missing is career satisfaction or more family. I just can’t pinpoint it – I love my family, my husband, my friends, my house, and I’m extraordinarily thankful and happy to have this life. There is nothing so very terrible about my life – we don’t want for money, for freedom, for anything really. But I am not the most I can be. And I just won’t know why for a while to come.

I'm gestating over here!

2011-10-15T10:44:00.000-03:00

Hello, friends, it's been a long time. I've been a neglectful blogger. As a matter of fact, I don't think I can rightfully use the term blogger anymore.

After taking stock of my life, I have decided that spending an inordinate amount of time online immersed in my own thoughts and world isn't actually working for me. I love the online world. I still read blogs regularly and social network like it's going out of style. But taking the time to craft a meaningful post lately has been just too much to manage. I suspect this is largely due to the HUGE changes that are coming.

Let me take this opportunity to announce something my husband and I think is pretty cool. We're expecting a baby in March.

We're really excited. It's actually really hard to believe sometimes though. I know my body is changing and everything, and baby is coming in 4.5 more months, but wow it happened fast. We decided to start trying and it only took the one try. I feel almost guilty about that....like, so many wonderful deserving people who have wanted babies their whole lives have trouble getting pregnant. I decide to try after waffling about whether I am ready for a long time and it just happens. Proof that life isn't always fair to all.

So despite being super scared, because I really haven't a maternal instinct to call my own, I am looking forward to meeting our offspring. I'm suspecting that this baby is a girl. We'll probably find out sometime in November whether to expect a boy or girl, but I will not be surprised if it's a she. I have been reading up like crazy on pregnancy, delivery, and the first year. I'm terrified of breastfeeding because of the baby's dependency 24/7 on Mom for the first little while. I'm terrified it's going to make me sleep deprived and unstable and more prone to post partum depression than I already am if I can't sleep through even one night once a week or so. But I am willing to try. Also, I know that no matter what happens, I won't be the only new momma in the world who is going through it.

I haven't been exercising which is a big no-no. I should be ending this post to go for a walk now! I wasn't well enough all summer for ballet as I'd planned (wow that first trimester is rough!!). I could have/should have gone back in September, but after a whole summer off, getting unfit and weak, being pregnant and having days where I still feel awful, and a number of other silly things, I was too scared. I seriously let fear get in my way of my passion. I'm pretty upset with myself about that.

So yeah, I've been a mess of emotion and hormones and disappointment over not being able to blog about ballet. But hey, I'm creating a new life inside of me. Not only is that pretty damn cool, but it's a pretty damn good reason to be off my normal game. I make no apologies.

I'm not sure when you'll hear from me again. I'm going to post when I feel like I have something to say, and not when I feel like I have to. If nothing else, I'm pretty sure I'll be a blogging maniac during my maternity leave, just for sanity's sake.

Off to return some emails!

How My Friday Got Awesome

2011-06-24T14:20:00.000-03:00

Ya'll know I've been having some trouble with being between levels for the June intensive session. You have given me some amazing feedback and food for thought, upon which I have feasted surreptitiously while trying to form an action plan for the rest of the summer.

A facebook friend who also dances at the same level at my school clued me in that the July intensive is taught by someone different. I have hopes that the July instructor gives more personal feedback and that the class is a bit smaller. The final decision for summer intensive is to stick with the beginner level. This way, I get seven more classes to hone the very basics (thanks to you more experienced dancers on this advice). I plan to speak to my instructor and ask what I can do to challenge myself a bit more in the July session.

My plan for the fall was/is to advance from Beginner Plus to Basic. The bulk of my concerns about losing some skills over the summer (if I stuck with June/July beginner class) were because I knew Basic would be a big (but recommended by my last instructor) leap into the unknown. Last year, the Beginner and Beginner Plus classes were combined, and the Basic class stood alone. I just realized that this fall, Beginner stands alone, and they have brilliantly combined Beginner Plus and Basic into the same class. It should be a continuation of where I left off in May instead of a blind leap into the unknown world of Basic Open.

The only remaining thing that's bothering me is that it still seems there is no way for me to dance more than once a week at this school, since the first four levels of adult ballet classes are all held on the same night. I'm hoping to find a basic/open class at another school to which I can drop in every few weeks.

All in all, I'm quite happy with how things are shaping up for my dance life over the next year. I also bought a drop-in card for a hot yoga studio near my home. Sunday will be my first class, and I'm so excited to try something new which will be complimentary to my dance classes.

Thanks again for all your comments and tweets on this matter. I learned a lot and mulled over my options quite a bit.

Dance and Dash

2011-06-22T19:33:00.002-03:00

First, let me say that I'm not proud of what I did.

Second, let me assure you that I didn't dance and then not pay....nope

In fact, I paid TOO much.

Here's the second part of Monday's saga:

1. Decided to try Basic Open. Got myself all psychologically freaked out assuming it was going to be wayy too hard and I would embarrass myself and disrupt the class with my stumbing.

2. Showed up for class way too early to purchase a drop-in card; paid for 10 x 1.5 hour classes with accompanist.

3. Asked if more expensive card can still be applied to lower level/shorter classes.

4. Changed into tights and leotard, and started internally freaking out. Debated asked for a refund of my drop-in card and leaving before Basic Open started. Sat tight and gave myself an intense pep-talk.

5. Prayed that my nerves would settle so I could stop feeling the crazy gastrointentinal distress I always get when I'm really anxious about an imminent event.

6. Went into the studio, chatted with another dancer who told me she has been dancing for three years when I asked her. But then she said she thinks she should be in the next level up so that made me feel a lot better.

7. Did barre with some trouble but nothing major. Did not recieve any personal corrections from instructor - not sure if this is because there are a lot of people in the class, or if it's because I was a lost cause. I certainly didn't feel like a lost cause.

8. Did stretches with leg on barre for first time ever! Neat!

9. Started centre. Before the accompanist started the music for the first centre exercise, while the instructor was still demonstrating, I could see it was going to be a complete mess for me.

10. PANIC!! PANIC!! PANIC!! Debated staying and stumbing through for about 2.5 seconds and then grabbed my bag, thanked the instructor and fled. Tail between legs. ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION.

I immediately regretted not staying. Le sigh. Being an adult beginner between levels is so hard!

So now.. I'm just not sure what to do. I think I'm going to stick with the super-easy beginner session for the July intensive, and try Basic again in the fall. Or maybe I should keep trying basic? I don't know!
Sigh...I wish the levels were a bit more gradual.

I haz a ballet sad

2011-06-20T22:04:00.000-03:00

Today, I was looking forward to ballet class more than ever. I have been loafing about for a week and haven't danced for a week before that. I really needed to get my ass kicked by tonight's class. It's a summer intensive version of the class I was taking all winter/spring, so I figured it would be perfect.

Strike one: I arrive after missing the first week, ask for a drop-in card, and find out that the beginner/beginner plus intensive for June is full. Over-full, actually. Panic ensues. There are 19 people registered and the studio is not that big, so it's not like the teacher will just waive the student limit. What am I going to do?

The girl behind the desk asks how much ballet I've had. I tell her I did a term of beginner and a term of beginner plus. She recommends I try the basic open class. My jaw promptly hits the floor because I saw what those folks were doing at the end of the last term and it was worlds away from my level. But inside blossoms hope. Tonight, she tells me, the instructor has agreed to let me take the beginner class because I have missed the basic open.

Strike two: We start our exercises in class. She has us do all barre work facing the barre. I got really tired of staring at that white wall. We plie but we don't grande-plie. We don't do any port de bras with our barre exercises. No echappes, no releve passe, no fondu, no grand battements, so many things there were none of. No turn preparations.

In centre, we do very basic port-de-bras while standing in first position in front of the mirror. I note how skinny I look, and how much my port-de-bras has improved. I also note my boredome. We do some basic tendus with port-de-bras en face. We do some basic sautes. I die of boredome and have visions of my hard-earned passe releve floating back into the land of impossible.

At the end of the class, I ask the instructor if she thinks I can try basic. She invites me to try on Wednesday but doesn't seem optimistic that I'll be ready (I have only two terms of ballet ever, and these summer Basic Opens could be any level, but most of the students in it have already taken Basic for three full terms).

So, I guess all I can do is turn up for Basic on Wednesday and hope that I can keep up enough to make attending feasible. I barely broke a sweat in the beginner level (she said 17 out of 18 students had indiciated they've never danced before), and frankly it's not worth tuition, gas money, or parking money to attend. I desperately love ballet but I need to be smart about where I spend my money and that beginner class is not it.

I came home from ballet feeling like I needed to go outside and walk/bike/jog to finish getting a full work out. I was in no way euphoric. I felt disappointed and lost and like I could cry. But then I realized, if Basic is over my head, there is a Modern Beginner class I could take in July. It won't be the same, but at least it would be *something* to do in the meantime.

Any advice? What would you do if you had to choose between a class that was wayyyy too easy and a class that is probably a full level too high?

When you don't dance regularly, your muscles must pay!

2011-06-20T14:33:00.000-03:00

Or at least, that has been my experience in months past, and it's what I’m expecting to experience tonight. You see, last week I didn’t dance. I didn’t walk, stretch, jump, clean, bike, garden….nothing! I did a big, FAT nothing. I’m not proud. I let my work and its stress be my excuse, when really I should have MADE time.

So it’s been two weeks since my last ballet class. And a week since I last exercised or stretched.

Plus, I will have a new instructor tonight. I’ve seen her in action and she doesn’t take it easy on her students. So I’m scurred, y’all. You best believe I’m going to be sore tomorrow. I have Epsom salts at the ready, and I ate two bananas to minimize cramping in class. I’m looking forward to having my ass kicked. Bring it on!

Dancing: Brains, Tread Carefully

2011-06-07T10:23:00.002-03:00

Sunday overnight into Monday, I got a whopping three hours of sleep. If that. This came after a week where I was getting the low end of my acceptable sleeping limits. I’m very much a person who needs my good night’s sleep to function properly. Some people live and thrive off of little sleep – I am neither a social butterfly nor an overachiever these days so I don’t feel guilty about packing myself off to bed at 9pm on any day of the week if that’s what I need to do. But I digress.

Monday night was my last ballet class for the term, and probably my last class ever with the instructor I’ve had since January, Meryl. Meryl is such a lovely person and a wonderful instructor that my sleep coma was not going to stop me from showing up for my last class with her. I even had an emergency out of just doing the barre exercises and leaving from there if I was really suffering. So I jetted home from work, konked out for half an hour, woke up and fatigue-induced shook my way over to ballet. Did I mention that I get really sick when I nap? I usually feel nauseous and shake from fatigue-induced chilliness for about half an hour post-nap.

I got to the studio and warned Meryl that I was probably going to stumble all over myself. I mean, I was so tired for most of the day that I couldn’t formulate whole sentences without sounding like my brain was ready to blow. How was I going to dance?

But then something mysterious happened. My normally over-thinking, self-deprecating, incredibly critical brain stepped aside. My fatigue-ravaged body stepped up and…..

…I danced.

…I danced without over thinking it.
…I danced lightly and fluidly.

Meryl said, “That’s really good for someone who only got three hours of sleep!”

… and she only told me to Breathe, Kim! once last night.

Take that brain! You are not always in charge. What a delightful feeling, to actually rely on my body to do something for me. I have never been a particularly fit or athletic person, so having it just do it for me put me up on cloud nine. Dear dance readers, how do you turn off your brains and just dance when you need to?

We did a little show ‘n’ tell enchainement waltz in front of a basic ballet class and an adult tap class, and then they showed us their goods. I can’t believe I could be doing the steps that the basic class is doing now at the end of my basic year this time next year! It looked so complicated and difficult….it looked like Ballet!
Afterward, I thanked Meryl profusely and told her that my love of ballet is keeping me from going back to old unhealthy habits. I have lost 15lbs since January in pursuit of being a better dancer.

I’m getting all nostalgic and misty-eyed just writing this, so I think it’s time to stop. But before I do, I also want to say THANK YOU to all my new online dance friends. I can’t tell you how much I love keeping in touch with all of you, reading your tweets and blog posts, and learning more and more about the art of Ballet dancing.

NYC Ballet Workout DVD - HELP!

2011-06-06T12:04:00.000-03:00

I bought the NYC Ballet workout DVD back a few months ago. I have probably only done Level One about four times since purchasing it (I opt for outdoor exercise whenever possible, plus our house was a renovation disaster zone for about a month). I absolutely love it. I loved it the first time I did it, but the last sections on tendus, degages, arabesque raises, or that “centre” type work, I find are too hard for me at my current skill level. Keep in mind I have only been taking beginner class since January, and only once a week. I do love the stretching, abdomenal work, and floor barre exercises and find them perfectly appropriate for my fitness and skill level.

Source: http://www.amazon.com/

Which brings me to my question, dancer-friends: Should I stop the DVD once I reach the parts that I find too hard? To give you some context, here is WHY I find it so challenging: I do have the basic technique knowledge to complete most of these exercises, but the pace is so fast and it is still just a bit beyond my class level in complexity. For example, there is one where I must bring my front foot up the front of my leg to passé, change it to behind, and then lower the foot to the floor where it becomes the rear foot – this repeats several times. I’m finding that I’m having trouble keeping my balance and keeping my raised foot from sickling. So, I slow down the pace to where I am comfortable.

Actually, now that I think about it, my biggest problem with all the exercises on my feet is my balance – which is my same problem that I have with the centre work in class. My balance is so off that I’m starting to get discouraged.

Let me rephrase my question: Should I continue to work on these DVD exercises (at a slower pace) in an effort to increase my balance, or do I risk developing really bad habits by pushing past my class level without an instructor or at least some mirrors? I’m just not sure what the right approach is in this situation. And perhaps those of you who know the level 1 NYCB workout will be able to comment a bit more specifically?

Feedback appreciated!

"You are really starting to look like dancers!"

2011-06-03T07:31:00.000-03:00

Ballet class Monday night had only six or seven people compared to our normal 10-12. I was hoping for fewer (more individual attention), but even with six, our instructor Meryl managed to give us an excellent technique-filled class. After class, I was not feeling super positive about my performance, but the next day I woke up with a delayed ballet high. I just want to dance!!

We went back to absolute basics in class, working slowly on things like grand plies and keeping our centre line from going behind our heels. I learned that focusing on making my rear muscles feel like they are trying to come forward between my legs will help me keep my butt from poking out in my plies. I knew to squeeze my turnout muscles before, but that visual really hit it home for me. And of course, my legs were melting by the time we finished those exercises.

I learned that my biggest enemy in ballet class is my brain: “Pas de Bourree? I couldn’t keep my balance on demi-pointe while lifting the foot behind last time, and then I couldn’t keep up with the step! It’s going to be the same thing tonight”. So then I basically over-think it, stop breathing (Meryl says, “Breathe, Kim! Kim doesn’t like to breathe! You are working too hard!”), and tense up. Well of course I’m going to stumble around like a moron if I’m dancing like 2x4 plank.

While doing echappes a la seconde, Meryl made everyone do it individually as people were having trouble with the port de bras that goes with it, but looked at me and said, “I won’t make you do it, you know what you’re doing, sort of”….which I thought was fantastic!

Oh – and this is big – I can flat-palm on the floor with straight knees, and my nose can just about touch my knees now! That was certainly not the case when I started this whole process.
After getting some really amazing corrections, I decided to spend my week between classes working on balance and technique. I’m going to slow everything down and really work on the basics of my plies, balances, and developing strong foot muscles.

And the best words I heard all night: “You are really starting to look like dancers now! That was beautiful!”

An Object at Rest Will Stay at Rest

2011-05-29T22:47:00.000-03:00

I am an inherantly lazy person. I don't know whether this is my nature, or whether being a non-athletic child and teenager has led to this. Either way, I'm now twenty-five and lazy in nearly every aspect of my life: work, chores, hobbies, etc. It is the one piece of myself, as a person, that I absolutely despise and desperately want to change.

Change is hard when you try to pull it from nowhere. Change alone is not a good enough inspiration for me. Being fairly young and with no major health problems to speak of, changing myself to become more fitness and health-oriented "just" in order to be healthy later in life was not enough. Especially once I hit my "comfortable weight" of around 160lbs, my fitness efforts would fizzle. Even becoming a runner was not enough of a goal - I never got to the part where I looked forward to running, so it was pushing through misery with nothing to which I could look forward.

Because an object in rest tends to stay at rest, I would quickly wind up back on the couch, stuffing my face and watching tv. It didn't feel good, but it requires no effort. There was nothing I loved enough to inspire me to put in the effort.....apparently not even myself at the time.

Now that I am completely in love with ballet, I am fighting with myself to be active. I have learned, over the last five months, that having class once a week isn't enough. Since there are no additional class options, I really need to work on my physique on my own, especially my flexibility/stretching, balance and core. This does not come naturally. Some nights, I crawl into bed and drowsily realize I haven't stretched all day. Last week, I only got a few walks in and missed ballet class (was sick). On occassions like that, it feels terrible the next time I'm in ballet class - I will be stumbling all over during centre work and it is so embarassing.

As much as it is an uphill battle sometimes, ballet makes me move when I would not ordinarily move. It is the push I need to get up, and as we all know from school, an object in motion will remain in motion. Yesterday I walked 6km, stretched, jumped rope, and did some basic ballet because I knew class was coming Monday. Today, I did the NYC Ballet Workout dvd because I knew class is tomorrow, and I bought a theraband for my feet.

While I am still not fabulous at putting in all the work I need to put in to become a better dancer and a fit, athletic person, I slowly see changes happening in my life. The more I do, the more I want to do. My reduced laziness in the physical area of my life is leading to reduced laziness in my work, chores, and other areas of my life. I think it's safe to say that finally having a passion like I do with Ballet is making me a better person. ....and making me love and accept myself like I was never able to before. Ironic, since ballet has got to be one of the most perfectionistic arts one could ever aspire to.

Now how do I put my beginner ballet passion to work to help others?...

...One step at a time, I guess.

My Growing Self-Actualization

2011-05-25T20:54:00.000-03:00

As a younger me, looking forward to age twenty-five:

…I dreamt I would be living in some big fabulous city
…I dreamt I would be pursuing a powerful, fulfilling career
…I dreamt I would be living in a home I bought myself
…I would be…

…well, truth of the matter is, I didn’t know if I would find or embrace love. I just wanted to be desired, and saw myself as a heart-breaker.

…my limited scope of vision did not envision my family or include their role in my life

…I didn’t make plans to give back or inspire others

…I realize now that what I saw then as 'independent' was actually selfish and uncaring.

Now, as a twenty-five year old woman:

…I value my family (which includes my close friends) and their presence in my life above and beyond any other single thing in my life
…I am married to a man who I love and appreciate endlessly
…I want to start my own family, but still feel I am not finished being selfish
…I am struggling to find a way to fulfill my desire to give something valuable to the world
...I am struggling to maintain my career motivation and put my best foot forward
…I am understanding that I have a lifetime to achieve my life’s potential and purpose
…I am beginning to understand that it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey
…I have accepted that there something out there that is bigger than me, and that whatever it is will be there when I figure out how to embrace that fully
...I am finally seing that I can be my own motivation, from my inside instead of trying to please other people
…I am beginning to realize that the only thing holding me back from anything is myself
…I have moments where the world comes crashing down on me, but I get stronger each time
…I am becoming healthy, inside and out

As a twenty-five year old woman, looking forward:

…I want to give something meaningful to the world

…I see myself as healthy and happy, beautiful from the inside to the outside

…I visualize a giant smile on my face

…I strive to be a caring wife and mother

…I see myself as being a business owner

…I will accept divine intervention when it presents itself

Saw a Real Ballet!

2011-05-21T21:08:00.000-03:00

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the Atlantic Ballet Theatre of Canada perform their 2010-11 season closing ballet of short works, Intense. It was the first time I have seen live ballet. We were in the second row at centre stage, so we had an amazing view of all the dancers. It was a bit difficult to get the full perspective of the stage when it was full of dancers, so next time I will try to sit back six or seven rows.

I had goosebumps as soon as the curtains opened. I have long been a lover of live classical music by a symphony orchestra; it also gives me those chills up and down my spine. But this was just beyond that - I had the beautiful music to move me, plus the ethereal dancing of this small company of dancers. Someone nearby in the seats was wearing my favourite men's cologne. The combining of these sights, sounds and smells in my senses was so very divine.

The Intense performance is bare bones. Costuming is minimal, and there were never more than four props on the stage at a time. The dancing was the forefront of the performance at all times, with nothing to distract. Artistic director/choreographer Igor Dobrovolskiy has created a series of incredible stories throughout the entirety of the short works that combine to make the show "Intense" and entrancing.

Mid-show, the company's CEO came on stage to tell us about the upcoming season, including the original work Ghosts of Violence. This ballet was created as a testament to the devastation of domestic violence, and designed to have a lasting impact and to changes lives. If you are reading this, and you love dance, I urge you to watch this video about Ghosts of Violence. I was near tears just watching the stills from the show. Ghosts of Violence comes to Halifax in October, and I will not miss it.

I left the show with a new level of respect/admiration for the beauty, strength, artistry, and athleticism of ballet. I'm addicted; hooked for life. I left knowing that I will always have something to strive for, a reason to be healthy and a reason to treat myself and my body with the care it diserves.

In closing, all I can say is *swoon*

Fabulous Friday

2011-05-20T11:02:00.002-03:00

Clearly, I haven’t been making much of an effort to keep my blog updated lately. Sometimes I just can’t bear the thought of spending more time in front of the computer after work, or I don’t have the right words at the ready. Seems I went through a few weeks of blogger’s block.
Here’s a sampling of the newest and truest in my world:

• We recently found out that my dearest Daddy does NOT have cancer. Needless to say, we were on pins waiting for results and elated when they were negative for that big evil C word.

• It has rained in Halifax, Nova Scotia, almost daily for over a month. We as a city are soggy, weary, and above all, we are all so sick of hearing everyone else make comments about rain, grey weather, the blues, where is the sun, etc etc etc. Seriously.

• I was devastated to hear of the Slave Lake, Alberta forest fires, which wiped out 30-40% of the whole town Sunday night. The residents are still unable to return home to start rebuilding due to unsafe living conditions – sewer, water, etc etc. K.’s uncle lives in Slave Lake – he was fortunate to keep his home, but his step-daughter and family lost their home. My company also owns property in Slave Lake – I won’t get into the details, but it is extremely fortunate that fire left it untouched.

• May and June are laden with special events and family birthdays.

• We have almost completed our indoor renovations for this year – new hardwood floors, carpet for the stairs, new ceramic in the entry way, took out a wall, painted the rec room and changed light fixtures.

• We have been fighting with the flooring contractor. We now have a meeting with the owner of the company to sort out all the woes we’ve experienced in the almost TWO months since we started the project. It is still incomplete.

• My good friend C is officially a home owner as of today. They bought the house they have rented for two years from her brother-in-law. Congrats, C!

• Recently put some thought into how much energy I waste thinking “I should ______” and then feeling guilty that I don’t. Starting to just DO things as they come up and – imagine this – I feel much better. I don’t miss the umpteen hours of TV every evening – 1 or 2 is just fine. Sometimes I can even do stuff while watching –stretching, practicing ballet stuff, sweeping, dishes, etc. Sometimes I get to go outside and enjoy the air while getting things done. What the hell is wrong with me, that I tend toward procrastination so often?

• Bought a dandelion weeder-thingy this week and spent over an hour eradicating the little yellow pests last night. It was therapeutic. I know they’ll be back, but I’ll be ready to pluck ‘em faster than tweezers to a unibrow hair on prom day.

• This long weekend, I’m attending a ballet performance, throwing a little fete at my house for my father, and then….relaxing! Perhaps some gardening, some cleaning, whatever.

Baby Got Back

2011-05-19T09:55:00.000-03:00

If there was one part of my body that I can say without a shadow of a doubt I’ve always been really proud of, it’s my bum. It’s not too big, but it’s definitely kind of a big deal. It’s no J-Lo bottom, but it can hold its own in a bathing suit competition.

Even as I started gaining weight early in my university days, my bottom maintained its shape. Right up to about 165lbs, it looked great…..

But then, my hips and love handles kind of bust their proportionate mould, and next thing I knew, my fanny wasn’t looking too hot anymore. Truthfully, I knew it wasn’t up to spec but it didn’t really occur to me that I’d lost such an asset until I got it back.

Since taking on the journey to weight loss and health in January, I’ve been losing weight and dancing ballet. Any former ballet dancers out there will tell you, ballet requires strong butt muscles. So my problem areas have been losing weight because of WW, and my bum has toned and lifted because of my dancing.

Result? This morning I put on these adorable undies, admired my cutie patootie in the mirror, and backed that thang up to find my husband and make him admire it. I was all, “Doesn’t it look fine? Look! Just look at that thang! Baby got back!”

source: http://www.weirdlover.com/

Corrections, ballet-high, and escapism

2011-04-25T22:13:00.000-03:00

Dancing gets in your head. Those of you whe have danced, past or present, know that. It’s a constant quest for improvement; perfection. For instance, last week, I came home from ballet totally high on dance. I couldn’t sleep because I kept reviewing the class and my progress over and over in my head. I’m starting to have those dreams that my dance tweep/blog friends talk about – I dream I can jump higher, raise my leg higher…or that I somehow messed up and made a fool of myself in class.

Corrections from my instructor push me to strive that much harder toward the ideal. I love when she pokes/prods me into shape. She does corrections frequently in class, and I get them as needed, but by and large she leaves me alone. I logically know that this is a sign that I’m at least average and grasping all the concept well, because she fixes me when I need it and gives me compliments when deserved. BUT I somehow manage to convince myself that the lack of corrections is an indication that I’m not worth fixing or that I’m a lost cause. Or that my 20 extra pounds hides my form so that the instructor can’t tell if I’m dancing well. I just want to say, "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick on me!! I need help! Am I doing it right? How about now?". I'd probably drive the poor lady nuts if I asked for the kind of feedback I crave.

So here I am, spending time to tell myself that not getting corrections from an instructor who gives out corrections when needed….is a GOOD thing. I’m not behind the class or beyond fixing. I might even average for my level (*brag alert* or maybe I'm even GOOD!). And realistically, twenty extra pounds is probably not going to hide my form to the point where an instructor would have trouble giving feedback. My ribs are obvious; my legs and bottom are shapely. None the less, I would love to take a class with another instructor just to get some different feedback on my dancing and technique.

On the positive side, we are focusing more on our head and arms these days, which has added a great deal more grace to our classes. I’m starting to feel like a dancer rather than a person who goes to a dance-like fitness class, and that’s a fabulous feeling. I come out of each class completely high on the art of dancing.

When I started ballet, that high was enough. But now, I want more. I am greedy for feedback, to learn more, to dance better. I would eat, breathe and sleep dance if that was possble. Alas, this mere mortal must go to work, eat, breathe and sleep as normal, and fit ballet dreams and dancing in where I can.

As a side note, I'm been opting to live in a fantasy world lately by re-reading the Twilight Saga. Escapism at its best. I happen to think that a ballet version of Twilight would be amazing - think of the beautiful dancing that the vampires would require due to the beauty the author attributed to them. Think of the the hilarity of Bella's clumsiness in choreography. I love it. (Please don't hate me for combining Twilight and Ballet).

What I Have Found in Ballet

2011-04-08T20:26:00.000-03:00

In ballet, I have found a hobby about which I am so passionate I will change my life to pursue it.

I started ballet class at the same time as starting a weight loss journey. Although I recognized that my dancing might physically help along the weight loss process, I did not imagine that it would further inspire me to lose weight. Or be active on a regular basis.

But here I am, changing my life so that I might be a better dancer, or at least ease the learning process a touch. I'm losing weight so that I will be lighter and smaller - easier on my joints and easier to move gracefully. I'm staying active so that I can get stronger - my movements will appear more natural and less strained, and my core will stay square and balanced. I'm stretching daily so that I can have better form - better turn-out, higher arabesque, deeper plies. I'm buying ballet workouts to help me accomplish what one class a week is not going to get me. I struggle with things that the smaller, more fit girls do not, but I intend to change all that.

Who is this person? Four and a half months ago I was sitting on my couch stuffing my face and feeling sorry for myself. If you told me then that I would be changing my life to accomodate my hobby of being an adult beginning ballet student, I would have laughed at you. I always wanted to take a dance class but never would have dreamed of ballet. Yet here I am.

I look forward to reflecting back on this point in my development in another four months. I hope to be 12 lbs lighter and multiple times more fit. I hope to be even more passionate about ballet. I hope to become one of the class leaders.

I believe that my passion will get me there.

Seven Deadly Sins – Day 7: Lust

2011-03-27T10:58:00.001-03:00

Day 6 – Lust: Seven Love Secrets
I feel like “Love Secrets” is not really what this deadly sin is after. I totally am not into airing my dirty laundry…er…unmentionables? on my blog, though, so love is what y’all are gonna get.

1. Never thought I’d put my career on the backburner for love, but I found I’d rather have someone to share my life with than work all the time and come home to an empty house.

2. I never thought I’d be married, but I can’t imagine letting K. slip away.

3. I think women are hot, but I could never be in a relationship with one. We’re all too crazy.

4. I’m learning that it’s important to make an effort to be a good partner. Romance and appreciation doesn’t blossom on its own.

5. You have to love yourself before you can fully accept that someone can love you just the way you are.

6. Keeping an exciting sex life also takes work. And communication.

7. Being in love will make you question every part of your belief system and who you thought you would be. And it should. Just don't let it take over such that you no longer love yourself.

K. and I dancing our first dance as a married couple

If you feel like following along with this meme, here's the list of 'sins' and what to post for each:

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Time Management and Me

2011-03-24T21:30:00.000-03:00

Lately I find myself struggling a great deal with time management. In my career, I find myself constantly struggling with administrative work. The core of my job is program development, management and review, but since the fall I have been floundering in mounds of admin work. Adding to that are some attentional issues which became further compounded by seasonal affective disorder that was wildly out on control until a few months ago.

I knew it was becoming an issue for me. I felt like I was underachieving on a daily basis in both my personal and professional life. Now, at a conference for my profession, I realize that I accomplished very little in the ten months I have been in my current position. To someone who has always been a high achiever, it was a startling and harsh realization. It made me wonder how long it will be before consequences beyond my own disapproval start catching up.

I owe some of it to laziness (in my personal life). I highly value my “chill time” and the freedom to do as I see fit. I also feel guilt for what I simply neglect to complete.

Some of the problem, though, is because I am so extrinsically motivated. Most of my achievements were based on fulfilling the expectations of others. I thought I achieved highly in university because I wanted to; in reality it was because I wanted to get the approval of my family.

Things are changing and the buck stops here.

I’m not happy being mediocre or average. I won’t be happy leading an anonymous and average career. I need to make something of myself.

I’m not happy being a selfish individual who doesn’t contribute to humanity in a meaningful way.
It’s time to take my life back. I started the journey in January with trying to lose weight and beginning ballet classes. Frankly, the only one who gives a damn beyond the superficial level if I lose weight or stick with ballet is ME. I only just realized this week that my own approval is enough for me now.

I’m going to make improvements in the way I manage my time. I bought a time management book tonight, for starters, and I’m going to tackle chapter one tonight. You can expect to see some blog posts on this subject.

At work, I will start by tackling administrative work in the mornings, and after lunch will be devoted to program development. I will only look at email twice a day. I will work on one task to completion instead of tackling multiple tasks and never finishing any of them.

All of this is for one reason: I deserve to make myself proud. I finally understand that it will take some work for me to get there, and I’m finally willing to do it.
What are your time management strategies?

If you wondered why I never talk about our puppy...

2011-03-22T07:35:00.000-03:00

I guess it’s time I told you all about what happened with our puppy, Gil, since some of you probably wonder why you never hear about him.

To preface this post, we were told by the breeder to pick Gil up when he was six weeks old. Not knowing any better at the time, we agreed. He told us the mother had an abnormally large litter (9 pups) and that it would not be medically safe for her to care for them and give them milk past six weeks. What we did not know at the time is that it’s always a terrible idea to re-home dogs before 8 or 9 weeks, and the pups should be weaning or weaned by the six week mark anyway.

We got Gil a few weeks before Christmas. Puppy classes were breaking for the holidays, not to resume until early January. We knew puppies were chew-monsters, but Gil was beyond. He would charge our legs and our cat, and no amount of advice was helping. We tried redirecting with toys, we tried rewarding good behaviour…nothing. We tried yelping like a fellow puppy, we tried walking away from him when he bit us (good luck getting away!). No amount of consistency was helping. He hated to be touched and didn’t want to hang out with us unless he could bite us. We could not WAIT for puppy class!

After three weeks, puppy classes re-started and we took him for his first class. After the trainer worked with us and Gil for a few minutes, I got the hang of the corrections. He was the model puppy for the rest of the night. We were so relieved! Now we knew how to handle him when he got nippy, and we could actually begin to enjoy our time with him.

That is, until we got home. Using the exact same corrections we’d been taught resulted in 20 minute show-downs with this 9-week old puppy. He would growl and bare teeth and show down with us. He even bit me in the face!

After three or four days of persistence, Gil was slowly starting to lessen the aggressive behaviours, although it was still very difficult to handle him. However, a myriad of other unwanted behaviours popped up. He suddenly developed separation anxiety. He would pee his crate at night or if we were out (which, even as a 6 week old pup, he’d only done once).

With K. heading off for a business trip soon, I began to get severe anxiety about taking care of Gil alone. I am not a calm, easy going person in the least. When Gil was misbehaving, I would get all worked up and break down. Unfortunately, Gil was always misbehaving so I was always breaking down. I was suffering from seasonal affective disorder which was not yet under control. I was a wreck and not fit to handle such an impressionable young dog.

A month into Gil-ownership, at 3am one morning when K. got up to take Gil out, we had to concede defeat. We agreed to call the breeder to return Gil to them. I could not have handled another month of Gil-ownership. I knew puppy ownership was hard, but everyone I know who has had a puppy said it shouldn’t be THAT hard. We thought the responsible thing to do, not being effective dog trainers, was to give the dog up to an experienced home. I did not want an 8-month-old large breed dog that may bite or act aggressively just because we did not know how to properly train him.

I feel that one of the biggest contributing factors to this situation was that the breeder let the puppies go at 6-weeks. We had done our research about puppy ownership in general, but what the breeder told us about the mother dog’s health sounded credible. I later learned that NO vet worth their salt would recommend that puppies leave the litter so young. Dogs learn bite inhibition from their litter-mates and mother between 6 and 8 weeks, and from what I understand, it is almost impossible for a human being to teach that behaviour properly.

I feel like we failed, in a sense, but after a month it was crystal clear that we were not cut out to raise this puppy. Life here has returned to normal. Although I feel the breeder was negligent in letting the pup go early, he has very well behaved dogs and is home all the time, so I hope Gil is thriving with him. We won't be attempting to raise a puppy again.

You may read this and think we gave up too soon, or that this was 'normal puppy behaviour,' but if you lived it, you'd know differently. This was extreme puppy behaviour, and we just didn't have all the knowledge, experience or enough money to buy all the behavioural expertise we really would have needed. There was no way I was going to chance raising an ill-behaved dog that could even be dangerous.

Seven Deadly Sins – Day 6: Gluttony

2011-03-20T21:01:00.001-03:00

Day 6 – Gluttony: Seven guilty pleasures.

Gluttony. I battle gluttony every day. For example, today I served a little strawberry rhubarb pie with Sunday dinner. I decided, though, that a sixth wasn't big enough so i just cut the pie into quarters and served a quarter to the four of us. I didn't hear any complaints, but I digress. Being a glutton has power over me sometimes. Okay, most of the time.

1. Potato Chips. Betcha can’t eat just one. Obviously, I can’t. I absolutely love potato chips for their crunch, salt, and satisfying range of flavours.

2. Pop. I don’t drink pop very often, but I always drink it when I eat out. And if there are free refills, you can just about gaurantee I won’t be eating my meal. For instance, a few weeks ago I drank nearly three glasses of Coke and couldn’t eat even one half of my sandwich. Liquid lunch.

3. Cheese. I loves me some cheese. I shouldn’t have it but that doesn’t stop me.

4. Internet. I sit in front of the internet for hours at a time. I have the internet on my phone, which I use at inappropriate times to avoid the real world. It leads to sloth, and I’m okay with it.

5. Make-up. You know those file boxes you can buy? Banker boxes? My box of cosmetics and related products is almost that big. And I continue to want to buy more. I have to stop myself.

6. Fruit. I can’t get enough of its natural sweet freshness.

7. Scarves. I have a drawer full of scarves and I love them. They can be used in so many different.

If you feel like following along with this meme, here's the list of 'sins' and what to post for each:

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Week Recap

2011-03-18T11:58:00.002-03:00

Hi Lovelies. How was everyone’s week?

1. I was devastated to hear about the massive catastrophic earthquake and tsunami damage in Japan. My cubemate’s family lives in Japan, but thankfully were not hurt. Her brother lives just 80kms from the nuclear reactors in crisis, and she has been trying unsuccessfully to convince them to evacuate and stay with their parents near Tokyo.

2. Hubby got himself a nasty speeding ticket in one of those areas where the speed drops from 70 to 50 kmh in a downhill highway-type area. Could just have easily happened to me or anyone who drives that stretch of road every day. He took it to court last night, but was unsuccessful, so I’m a chauffeur for a week.
3. This may have been longest week of all time. Each afternoon felt like a week. Last night felt like a Friday night as I spent the night at Starbucks with my laptop getting myself situated on Twitter.

4. Tomorrow, K. and I are heading to the Bide Awhile Animal Shelter to see if there are any kitties to bring home as a pal for our Marvellous Marvin. We would really like a big fat Garfield type kitty. Marvin is so active and spazzy that we figured a second cat couldn’t upset the balance much more.

5. My parental units are coming over for a Sunday Dinner this weekend. I haven’t seen them for well over a month, even though they only live about 45 minutes away.

6. I have been busting my ass all week to stay on my weight watchers plan, yet this morning was up two pounds from Sunday’s weigh-in. I have two days to lose all the bloating (ladies, you know what I’m talking about) before my official weigh-in. I’m taking Midol and drinking peppermint tea like it’s going out of style. I’m practically floating away.

7. I had a terrible nightmare last night. Basically, one person killed/maimed a bunch of people. Anyone who survived or witnessed went on to become a terrible killer, and so it was a chain reaction of violent gory murder. I woke K. up, and then Marvin came to snuggle on my chest so it was okay.

8. I’ve had some great email exchanges with Ashley at After Nine to Five (who recently left the workforce to be self-employed) and Amy at Rainy Saturday (who is also sick of people asking “How’s married life?” and contributes to another fantastically hilarious blog, This Needs To Stop). Readers, email me any time! I’d love to hear from you – haliwoodsaywhat@gmail.com.

What do you have planned for the weekend – the first day of Spring is upon us!

I've Joined the Twitter

2011-03-17T20:20:00.000-03:00

I just couldn't resist the pull of Twitter any longer. I joined tonight.

Follow me @KimiSaysWhat

Ballet: It's True Love

2011-03-14T22:15:00.000-03:00

I can't say enough about how much I love, love, LOVE ballet. Since my last update, things are going a lot better. I still don't have much balance or coordination in centre work, but on the barre I'm feeling a lot more confident. I'm not GOOD at it, but I listen when I get corrections and I can hold my own.

I originally planned to re-take the beginner class, and a friend was to join me. However, in the three weeks since I told her I'd take beginner again with her, we've learned so much that now I think I'd be doing myself wrong if I didn't keep going with beginner plus. I'll have to break that news to L. soon, but I'm sure she'll understand. I wish I had the money to take more than one class a week. Last time I posted about dancing, someone commented that I should look into yoga, pilates for dancers, and ballet DVDs for home. I think that I will get a videa with the basics, do some yoga, and keep up with my stretching and balance exercises at home. Nothing too advanced, as I don't want to develope bad habits, but I do have some things that I can work on with confidence that I can improve them with good form at home.

Tonight we finally learned arabesque. It feels awkward, but it is so damn beautiful! I can see myself in the mirror and I just love it.

source

We also did a basic bouree for the first time. I still struggle a little bit with the little pas the bouree and fondu side-to-side routine we do in class. But that's okay! I also learned that I was forcing my turn out a bit beyond what it naturally is at this time. So I'd like to work on grande plies now that I've corrected my turn out - opening my hips/knees, distributing the weight through the centre of my foot, and keeping my heels from popping up too soon. I can do it!

In the end, what matters is that I truly love ballet. I love that there will always be something to work on, that I will never be bored. What an amazing art.

Seven Deadly Sins – Day 5: Greed

2011-03-14T21:51:00.000-03:00

Day 5 – Greed: Seven worldy material things you desire. I could go on forever about things that I desire, but I feel like the word "worldly" just sets the bar that much higher. Worldly, as in hoity-toity, or just ....well-travelled, experienced, BIG-type things. Still wasn't really hard to come up with these things to list for you.

1. A designer bag, such as a Birkin Bag from Hermes. With Birkin bags starting from $10,000, it’s definitely on my unobtainable list.

2. A pretty spa-like bathroom in my house. I want a huge deep tub with jets, beautiful clean lines with dark wood and frosted glass, and the general feeling that you stepped into an expensive spa.

3. An expensive gorgeous corset. They are so effing expensive.

4. The Kate Spade coat that Emma (Glee) wore:

5. Everything from IKEA. Seriously, everything. Since my first-ever visit to an IKEA store in January, I’ll never be able to shop for my home with any satisfaction sans IKEA again. Alas, Halifax doesn't have one and won't be getting one in the forseeable future (I actually wrote and asked).

6. A flat-screen high definition television with surround sound. ‘Nough said.

7. More diamonds. I have a respectable number of diamonds, it’s just that I will always want more. Diamond bracelets, diamond earrings, whatevs.

Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Blog Changes: New URL and Make-Over PLUS What do you want to read on Say What?!

2011-03-11T19:12:00.001-04:00

The first thing you likely noticed when you checked in with Say What?! today is that I've given it a make-over. It's simpler, loads quickly, and looks a lot more fresh than it did. Having said that, I'm no expert so there may stil be some kinks. If so, please email me here.

Second, please update your bookmarks and feed addresses to:

http://www.saywhathalifax.com/

The blogspot address will still redirect to this blog.

Third, I want to ask you, what are your favourite posts on Say What?! I've been feeling slightly disorganized on the blogging front lately, with no real blog theme (aside from life as a young adult) to speak of. I'm interested in cleaning it up and gaining some focus. Some of the things I've blogged about frequently in the past are:

Fashion
Work
Ballet
Personal Finance
Major Life Changes

Tell me, what do you hope to see when you check out Say What? Do you enjoy regular features on blogs (e.g., Thankful Thursday)? Do you like just hearing about life in general? Do you like when content from the outside world is included (photos, links to other blogs/media, youtube, etc)? Are you partial to top ten lists?

Seven Deadly Sins: Day 4 - Sloth

2011-03-10T07:29:00.000-04:00

Day 4 – Sloth: Seven things you neglect to do. Of all the seven deadly sins, I think this one is my favourite. I neglect to do a lot of things. I think sloths are funny. Laziness is my slice of life and I thoroughly enjoy it. I’ll continue to enjoy it until it kills me.

source

1. Shave my legs. TMI, sure, I know. But seriously, why do women even have to do this? It’s such a pain in the ass, especially when you’re a human wookie like I am.

2. Filing. My filing piles up until the folder doesn’t fit in its slot anymore. Then, sometimes I just move it until the folder won’t physically hold the paper anymore. Yup, sure do hate filing!

3. Exercising. Yup, by and large, I hate exercising and generally don’t do much of it at all. This is the part that will eventually kill me. Maybe if I had all the time and money in the world, I’d make it a priority. I need to hire someone to force me.

4. Dusting. I have carpet and a cat, so I feel like there is really not much point to dusting, at least not often. Plus, once the dust bunnies get big enough, they come alive and give my cat companionship.

5. Cook or prepare proper lunches. I love cooking for a group, but when I’m alone I so rarely eat properly. And taking spare time to make a lunch for work is just so…terrible. I don’t want to work in my spare time in order to work for work…or something. I confused myself there.

6. Send cards/gifts for birthdays/anniversaries. This applies to anyone who doesn’t live close enough for me to spend time with them, and includes grandparents. And if I do send something, it WILL be late. I also often forget to call. I am working to improve this because I feel it's selfish and inconsiderate.

7. Play my expensive instruments. I miss making music, but I just don’t anymore. So sad.

In general, I’d say my level of follow through in life is very low. Definitely something I’m looking to improve.

If you feel like following along with this meme, here's the list of 'sins' and what to post for each:

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Balls! I embarrassed myself at work!

2011-03-07T09:48:00.002-04:00

Friday, I took a trip to Moncton, New Brunswick with my boss, the Executive Vice President of the company, and another VP. Before you get all excited and assume from what I just said that I must be kind of a big deal, I’ll assure you that I’m not. I was just going to give a 15 minute talk to the group that the Exec VP wanted to get together.

Someone decided it would be a good idea to play Trivial Pursuit on the drive. You need to know that I HATE games, especially trivia games. But, I wanted to be a good sport, so I let everyone know I’m really bad at trivia but that it would be “fun”.

Thanks to trivia, I managed to put my foot in my mouth. Like, I probably swallowed it up to the knee. I keep hoping it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, but read this and judge for yourself:

The question was something along the lines of: George Carlin famously pointed out the irony of the expression “clean as a whistle” given that whistles are full of _________ (fill in the blank).

The next think you need to know is that I don’t think like other people do. I’m always just a little bit off, so that when I formulate answers or opinions, people end up giving me the “That’s a strange way to go” look. Of course, that’s exactly what happened when I tried to answer the question. The answer is pretty obviously “spit,” right?

Well! I knew that George Carlin was famous for being just a little bit filthy (7 Words You Can’t Say on TV, etc). And the first thing that came to mind when I thought of what a whistle might be full of, was the little ball thingy that jiggles and makes it loud. So, I figured whistles are full of balls. And I said so. Luckily I explained my thought process before I blurted out “Balls!”….but where my friends might have laughed at such an obviously ridiculous answer, my (extremely important and influential) colleagues met my comment with silence. And then the VP says, “…..Er, I would think it would be spit, no?”

UGH!

I got home Friday night and felt the after-effects of spending a day trying to fit in. I felt nervous and terrible for at least two hours. Now all I can do is hope I didn’t blacklist myself from advancing in the company.

Have you ever majorly embarrassed yourself in front of somebody important? Have you worried it would affect your career? Did it turn out alright?

Concert Going Outfit

2011-03-06T22:49:00.002-04:00

Concert Going Outfit by Kim Bulger featuring dr martens boots
I'm going to the Music as a Weapon tour in a month. I'm a huge girlie girl and most of my wardrobe is girly or classic stuff. I did recently buy Dr. Martens that are the same as the ones shown, only with polka dots. I just need some black stuff I can wear with them to rock it up a bit, and some rock accessories.

Polyvore: Spring Weekend Run-About Look

2011-03-06T21:56:00.002-04:00

Spring Weekend Run-About Look by Kim Bulger featuring vintage style jewelry

This is my second outfit. I want this outfit soooooo bad, especially the bag and the shoes. I promise this blog won't turn into a fashion blog (well, not altogether) but do expect these occassional posts.

Polyvore: I will probably never do real work again

2011-03-06T21:23:00.002-04:00

MrsKDB's First Set by Kim Bulger featuring a crochet skirt

I found Polyvore today. I knew the website existed before, but I didn't know it's how people create those amazing outfit layouts on What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear? (a blog dedicated to the amazing vintage fashion featured on Emma Pillsbury from Glee). I will probably never do any work again for the rest of my life. I'm doomed to drooling over the outfits I create for myself on this website. This is my first one!

Seven Deadly Sins - Day 3: Wrath

2011-03-06T17:38:00.001-04:00

Day 3 – Wrath: Seven things that piss me off. Really? Just seven? I have seven that are related to driving alone, so limiting this topic might be really hard.

Let me explain. I’m a bit shy, yes it’s true, but I also have a temper. You’d never know it unless you spend a lot of time with me (husband, cube-mate, family, you all know this), but I get sooooo mad at some majorly pathetic things sometimes.

1. Tail-gaters. Nothing gets me riled up like my daily rush-hour commute, and tail-gaters top my list of driving faux-pas. Really, do you need to follow so close to me that I can’t see your headlights in my rearview mirror at highway speed? Doesn’t it make you nervous? AUGH!

2. Needlessly copying every remotely related person in the office. I HATE this! Yes, I get that you are trying to force me into action by Cc-ing my boss, his boss, your boss, your boss’s boss and every other person in both our departments. But sometimes it takes me more than a day to find you an answer AND I didn’t do anything wrong. So piss off!

3. People who call, don’t leave a voicemail, then call back in thirty seconds, and repeat until satisfied. Then they have the nerve to say, “You are so hard to get ahold of!” My response? “If you’d left a voicemail, I’d have called you back by now”.

4. When people see you coming to a door behind them but drop the door in your face.

5. People who believe that certain breeds of dogs are inherently bad, and tell you to your face even though they know you own one. Would you look at someone's child and tell the parent that their kid is a little bastard, even after they are taking a tantrum and disrupting the whole place? No! So leave my quiet dog and his breed alone.

6. The recent rash of pop/rock male singers with emo, girly, airy, whiney annoying voices. I’d love to post an example since my description is a bit hard to imagine, but I turn off the radio as soon as I hear them so I don’t know anything about who they are or what they sing.

7. Celine Dion

If you feel like following along with this meme, here's the list of 'sins' and what to post for each:

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

HAPPY QUARTER CENTURY to my friend K-Scul and Melro - you know who you are!!!! K-Scul yours is today, but Melro I know I missed yours......sorry lady! I don't generally do a very good birthday but I am making an effort to suck slightly less.

Seven Deadly Sins: Day 2 -Envy

2011-03-03T17:54:00.000-04:00

Day 2 – Envy: Seven things I lack and covet. I like stuff, and I like style, so it follows I’ve got a whole list of covets lying in the wings to help me out with this post. Not. A. Challenge. Although lately, in the interest of fiscal responsibility, I have self-imposed a shopping ban. I'd prefer to get my floors changed from coral carpet to hardwood over any of these "gimme" envy items.

1. A MacBook. I’m so over my four year old slow PC laptop. Ever since getting an iPhone, I’ve got a major lust on for Macs. I’m just biding my time until my PC dies, lessening my guilt sufficiently to allow me to buy a mac despite the desktop and netbook we also own. Until then, I’m coveting all your Macs.

2. Thick, straight hair. My hair will never look good long because it’s simply not thick enough. I also can’t just throw it back without looking because then you can see my scalp. I envy you ladies with gorgeous thick, straight hair that just flows the way you want it to.

3. Extraversion. All of you who can hang out comfortably in a biggish group, meet new people and still get a word in edgewise, I envy you. I hate going to parties because I hate meeting new people. I also can’t ever seem to find an opportunity to speak when there are more than a few people in the room. People just ignore me.

4. Natural Style, which to me equates to the desire to actually pick fashion over comfort. I’m looking at you, women who still wear skirts and pantyhose in sub-zero weather. The thought of spending my day cold makes me reach for my ugly dress pants and sweaters.

5. Louboutins. Those gorgeous red leather soles. Classic and cutting edge designs. Luxury all the way. I’m saving up for a classic pair like these.
6. Huge feminine tattoos like this:

I love and want a gorgeous tat like this, but I’m far too chicken to alter my body in a permanent way on this big a scale. So I will continue to drool over yours.

7. Huge sexy trucks. Especially a Ford F150 crew cab in white with chrome accents, fully loaded. I just can’t afford to put gas in it or tires on it, so it remains a pipe dream.

If you feel like following along with this meme, here's the list of 'sins' and what to post for each:
Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.
Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

Ballet Mid-term Update

2011-02-27T17:02:00.000-04:00

I missed two whole classes (was away for one and lazy for the other), then we had a week off due to the dance school’s spring break, and then we had this amazing/crazy hardcore substitute that challenged us. Given I hadn’t danced in four weeks, I extra-struggled. I had NO balance. I shook and wobbled and stumbled all class whenever we had to do anything on demi-pointe without using the barre to support us. It was truly embarrassing. However, it was FUN. And we did sous-sous in fifth which I find so cute and fun for some reason. Lots of kicks and ronde-de-jambes, too. I felt like I was doing ballet for the first time since beginning. There was a fluid nature to the whole class that I'd be missing.
The substitute’s stretching routine was fluid, graceful, fast-paced and in the middle of class between barre work and centre work, instead of at the beginning.

Did I enjoy her class MORE than my regular instructor? No, I don’t think so, but it was a nice change of pace and certainly challenging. My legs were jello when I left, and I realized that this balance thing takes a lot of work. She suggested doing some balance exercises while doing the dishes, but I have a dishwasher so I’ve yet to create my own balance opportunity. I guess I have to get back on board with the Wii yoga and balance activities.

source - not my legs/feet

I wish the beginner’s class was twice a week. I’m not sure how I will learn and progress naturally without having the opportunity to dance more often. I’m considering taking another class next term, but it’s possibly that it’s not in the finances to be able to do it.

New Fashion Blog Pick!

2011-02-27T16:08:00.002-04:00

The Manfattan Project - basically The Sartorialist of plus-sized fashion.

The Manfattan Project is my new favourite fashion blog, providing me inspiration that I really CAN still look like a fashionable person instead of a fat person trying to be fashionable. These chicks look amazing. Period. Not amazing for plus-sized women, just amazing. They're not hiding behind their clothes, nor are they trying too hard to dress fashionably. They're perfect! They make me want to plan my tomorrow's outfit today so I can be proud of my outfit all day long.

Mini-rant time: I am not fat. I don't wear plus-sized clothing. Nor am I a single-digit clothing size, nor could I ever be a non-plus-size model. However, the instant my body became less than slender, and I gained "flaws," I feel like I started hiding behind my clothes a bit. Long, loose-fitting shirts, flow-y sweaters and cardigans, knee-length shirts and never a sleeve-less shirt. But THIS website makes me want to try again. So thank you, writer of The Manfattan Project. You rocked my Sunday afternoon. Now off to raid my closet and plan tomorrow's fabulous outfit.

Seven Deadly Sins - Day 1

2011-02-27T15:54:00.000-04:00

I need to re-whet my appetite in the blogging world. I need a prompt, otherwise known as a swift kick in the arse. So, taken from the lovely Amy’s Rainy Saturday blog, I’m doing the Seven Deadly Sins post series. I loved reading her's, and I love talking about moi, so it works, you see.

Day 1 – Pride. Seven great things about myself. I used to have no problem being vain, but it comes a little harder these days.
1. My adorably sassy short black hair. Suits me to a tee.

2. I will listen to your problems for days. I will pish-posh your attempts to apologize for talking so much about you and your problems. Granted, this is due in large part to me living vicariously through your drama as I have none, but it still makes me a good friend.

3. Ridiculously compassionate. I will go onto the SPCA website with the intent to see if they have a dog to adopt, and end up crying for an hour because I can’t give all the little homeless critters a forever home. Hell, I’m crying just thinking about it.

4. I have great knockers. I don't think you want me to elaborate on that.
5. I have a lovely booty to balance out those great knockers. Again, 'nough said

6. I’m funny. Damn funny, when you least expect it. But only when we’re not in a big group…I'm not funny in public because I'm too busy being socially awkward and/or wishing I was at home by myself.

7. I'm an amazing public speaker, regardless of whether I was prepared to speak or not. Strange characteristic for an introvert, I'll admit, but it works for me. I also enjoy public speaking.

If you feel like following along with this meme, here's the list of 'sins' and what to post for each:

Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.

Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.

Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.

Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.

Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.

Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.

Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

High Maintenance, Low Maintenance

2011-01-21T22:22:00.001-04:00

Lovely readers, if you had to classify yourself as high- or low- maintenance, what would you pick? I can’t decide if I’m high maintenance or low maintenance:

High Maintenance:

- I can’t seem to work out in anything other than my lululemon clothes – they make me feel great and they are so damn functional/comfy it’s ridiculous. Those of you who know the brand knows the price tag.
- I’m a shoe snob. I love leather and I love expensive. And I love so many damn pairs. My most expensive pair of boots would be $450 if I’d had to purchase them retail.
- My jeans are almost always more than $80 – although I swear this is because I’m curvaceous, so discount brands just don’t fit right and I refuse to look bad in my jeans.
- I love/need jewellery. Lots of it. And the good stuff, with gold and jewels, not the costumey stuff. Case in point: After choosing a simple white gold stove-pipe band to accompany my stunning engagement ring because I thought a diamond band was too blingy, I realized the band scratches easily and is now too dull. I basically badgered my poor husband into buying me a diamond band for our first anniversary (and since he spoils me, I got it for our first married Christmas instead). So since he doesn’t want me to not wear the actual band I got on the wedding day, I have three rings on at all times.
- I have a 1 cubic foot box filled with make up and beauty products. And it’s a pretty box.
- I refuse to sleep on anything less than a 400 threat count sheet.
- Everytime I fall in love with a design, whether it's clothes, jewelry, furniture, shoes, etc., I will soon discover that the 'original' is the most expensive thing ever. Case in point: I recently fell in love with a handbag in a high street store, and recognized it as a classic design. Yeah, the classic Hermes Birkin Bag....starting at $5300 up to $50000 (the high street knock off was $80 for a NON LEATHER version....yeah, I don't think so!)

Low Maintenance:

- My fingernails and toenails are rarely painted, and if they are, you can be assured they will look tattered and chipped quickly (I actually use my hands). More often than not, toe nail polish has to grow off my toes, especially in the winter when nobody sees them. Also, my fingernails are always a variety of lengths and at least one is generally broken/jagged.
- My go-to hairstyle is a ponytail, because if it takes me more than 20 minutes to do my hair or make-up on a weekday, I’d have to get up earlier. Never did understand women that get up at 5:30am just because it takes an hour to do hair/makeup each day.
- I don’t HAVE to wear makeup to feel comfortable leaving the house (although I usually regret the lack of effort later in the day when I’m standing in front of a public bathroom mirror with giant dark circles threatening to take over my face).
- Shaving my legs takes a backburner, especially in the winter.
- I don’t care if my underwear is plain and cotton. I just can’t spend the money on the stuff that looks nice AND is comfortable.
- I will always choose warmth over fashion. Always. I hate to be cold.
- I get my hair done when I can afford it, but highlights are just too expensive to make sense to me. On principle.
- I despise shopping frivolously and generally only go when I really really need or want something specific.
- I don’t enjoy expensive restaurants or clubs/lounges. Give me some pub food or a Mom & Pop restaurant where I can eat delicious/homecooked food for minimal money, and where I don’t feel like I need to dress to the nines and I’m extremely happy.
- I don’t tan, get massages, facials, manicures/pedicures, waxing, etc. I just don’t. I feel uncomfortable spending money on that sort of thing.
- I will happily pop the hood on my car to replentish my own fluids or investigate problems. I’ll gladly crawl under yours to look at those brake lines, etc.

So I guess I'm a mix. Expensive taste, but too frugal to get into any real trouble.

I Wanna Get to Know Ya

2011-01-17T10:32:00.000-04:00

It’s Get to Know the Readers Day at Say What?! I realized that although many of my readers are friends and acquaintances in “real life,” I also have a growing body of readers that I’ve never met or gotten to know. Therefore, I want to know more about you.

Copy/Paste/Answer these questions in the comments field. Feel free to generalize the first three if you’re not into posting specifics on the internet, and feel free to answer even if you’re not a regular follower.

First name:
Where you’re from:
What you do for a living:
Your favourite cuisine:
Best vacation destination you’ve been to:
Family/Pets:
A link to your blog/website:

My name is Kim. I’m from Halifax, Nova Scotia. I recently got my first job in Human Resources. My favourite cuisine is generally pub-fare (probably not really a cuisine), but I’m slowly becoming addicted to Asian cuisine. My favourite vacation destination so far has been London, England. I have a husband (whom I refer to as K. on the blog) and a cat named Marvin. We are still searching for the perfect pooch.

Marvin in his Halloween costume sweater

And of course, my blog link is http://haliwoodsaywhat.blogspot.com/. Also, feel free to email me any time at haliwoodsaywhat [at] gmail [dot] com if you have a comment that you don’t want to post publically, you have questions, you just want to say hi, or you want to suggest a topic for a post. I would LOVE to hear from you.

Weird News with Funny Implications - what would you do in this situation?

2011-01-13T21:57:00.000-04:00

Browsing some facebook updates today, I saw some fuss being made over the apparent changing of the astrological zodiac signs. Interested, I googled and found this article, which cites the following as the "new" zodiac:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.

Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.

Pisces: March 11-April 18.

Aries: April 18-May 13.

Taurus: May 13-June 21.

Gemini: June 21-July 20.

Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.

Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.

Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.

Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.

Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

I was an Aquarius (and fit the bill perfectly, if you put much stock in that sort of thing), but now I qualify as an Capricorn. Although I don't believe in predicting how my day/week/month/year is going to go according to astrology, I was kind of miffed at the changes purely because I'd always been an Aquarius. It felt kind of like someone tried to tell me my birthday was actually different than I thought it was.

But then I was chatting with a friend, and she said, "What about all those people who got a tattoo of their sign?" I bust out laughing, a good hearty belly laugh. I know it's really not nice to laugh at people's misfortune, but there have got to be MILLIONS of people with wrong signs tattooed on them now. It's a little bit funny.

So, we'll see if this change sticks around or is undone by bitter astrologists with the wrong sign tattooed on them. What were your thoughts when you first heard the news? Did your thoughts turn to a certain outdated tattoo? And if you have a zodiac tattoo, what are you going to do?

I sense some tattoo parlours about to make small fortunes in cover-up work.

The GOOD news for you tattooed folks is that K. just read another article to say the changes are only proposed changes so far.

Ballet Class - holy LOVE IT, batman!

2011-01-10T22:45:00.000-04:00

I attended and survived my first ballet class.

First, the change room: No lockers. Stuff everywhere. Hoards of ungrateful teenage girls whose parents were paying good money for their classes, yet they were eating Doritos in the change room and plotting how they would get out of trouble for skipping their class. I wanted to throttle the lot of them and tell them how lucky they are to be there.

Next, my first impression of my class. I met a group of folks who seemed to be adult beginner type folks in the hallway outside the studio. They looked like a good group – a few middle aged women, one was kind of round like I am, some twenty- and thirty-somethings in different shapes and sizes, and all wearing proper dancewear. Alas, turns out it was the beginner plus class (mine was an hour later), so they had all already had a term of beginner under their leotards. The instructor was gracious enough to allow me and some other ladies who had showed up to the wrong class to watch.

After auditing the beginner plus class, I was even more excited for my beginner class. I walk into the studio and it’s just as I feared: young twenty-something women, of which I was the largest by far (and I’m not THAT large, folks, still a ways from plus size clothes). Some wore classic dancewear, some wore leggings and t-shirts. I’m proud to say, though, that my self esteem did not crumble underneath of me, even after I noticed a girl from the “popular crowd” in high school who had not gained an inch, but who had possibly noticed that I had. Oh well, I was there, wasn’t I?

The instructor, Marilyn, was a cute older lady who has been teaching ballet for 37 years. She told us teaching adult beginners is her absolute favourite class, which made me extremely excited. She claimed she was going to start us off slowly, but by the end of the class I had certainly broken a sweat. Skills learned (or at least practiced): 1st position, plies, tendus, jumps, porte de bras, the ballet walk, how to point, some basic arm positions and preparatory, and more……PHEW! I’m going to need to study to keep it all together. Things noted: Galloping across the floor is hard to do gracefully, and I kicked myself in the ankle a few times. However, it was so freeing.

By the end of the class, I could hardly believe the time had passed so quickly. I have to miss the next two classes because of travel, but I will certainly be studying at home. I'm hoping to take a beginner class in Montreal – I’ve located one that would be suitable while I’m there, and I’ve emailed the school to ask permission to attend. I hope they say yes.

Last time you started a new activity/class, was it everything you'd hoped for?

Can’t wait until next time I get to gallop across a floor.

The Ballet Saga - Buying Dancewear

2011-01-10T10:40:00.000-04:00

I shopped for my ballet gear on Saturday. I expected it to be far more difficult and painful than it really was. The dancewear store I visited is part of another dance school, so I had to walk through hoards of dance students from tiny to teenaged. I don’t know why that intimidated me, but it did. When I got to the store, it was approximately the size of a typical walk-in closet. I asked the girl to help me select some dance shoes because I had never danced before and had no idea what to look for. She asked me if I preferred canvas or leather, and since I had no idea, she chose leather for me. I think I prefer the idea of leather, anyway. I was surprised by the difference in sizing – I take a size 8 in street shoes, but my ballet shoes are 5.5. It made me feel all dainty and cute! I kind of want to wear them all the time.

The tiny dancewear store at Maritime Dance

After that, she asked if there was anything else I needed, so I decided to see if she had any leotards and tights in my size. I expected to have to buy a plus-size leotard because I’d heard that dancewear runs small. She had one extra large in a black leotard that was not gorgeous, but certainly acceptable. It fit like a charm – maybe even a bit loose! One thing I noticed is that as a fairly well-endowed lady, it will be hard for me to find a sports-bra that doesn’t look terrible with the leotard. Lesson learned: purchase a thicker-strapped leotard online next time, now that I know my size.

I also picked up a pair of the classic pink tights. The biggest size they had, extra large, is for 150lbs to 175lbs….I’m a solid 172lbs so I haven’t tried them on yet. When I put them on tonight for class, I expect I will have to cut the waist band to keep them from cutting me in half, since tights never truly fit the size they intent to fit. I brought a pair of yoga pants in my dance bag for class tonight, just in case the tights aren’t an option.

I thought I might have some self-esteem issues crop up from the search for dancewear, but I think I’ve accepted that dancers typically have lean, fit bodies to accommodate. I do not need to feel bad about mine just because I haven’t danced all my life. I’m still a bit nervous that I’ll be the only one showing up for class in actual dancewear, but didn’t want to take the chance of being the only on showing up for class without dancewear.

I’m also totally bummed out that I have to miss my second and third classes due to trips out of town. I’m hoping to find a beginner drop-in class in Montreal so that I don’t have to go three full weeks without dancing. I also plan to ask my instructor tonight what’s available for those of us who would like to dance more often than once a week.

I'll be back tomorrow with my impressions from my first class, which is this evening. How exciting!

New Year, Get it in Gear

2011-01-04T22:01:00.000-04:00

I was writing a gung-ho blog entry about starting ballet in conjunction with my wellness goals, but quite frankly, I was boring even myself. Scratch that! Suffice to say it's a New Year and I'm bandwagon jumping with the nutrition and fitness overhauk business. Why not? I could be bitter about bandwagon jumping and refuse to try to improve myself on principle, or I could put on my big-girl panties and give'er.

So far since New Year's Day I have:

spent a lot of time in my pyjamas and uncombed hair.
ate a lot of egg-white omelettes
complained a lot about winter/darkness/weather/etc
registered for ballet but mistook the start date to be this week, then was disappointed when it wasn't until next week
purchased a Wii Fit
Changed into jammies instead of setting up/using wii fit (although to be fair, just got it tonight and got home late).
cried about puppy ownership and needle teeth biting my feet
laughed about puppy pwnership and needle teeth biting my feet
declared 2011 to be a year with no major life changes (in the realm of marriage, job, house purchase)

The idea is, maybe with these major life changes out of the way, I can finally pay myself some much needed attention without feeling that those mental and time resources would be better allocated elsewhere.

D'you want to tell me about your resolutions? Or do you think that shiz is hokey?

Do you have fear of trying new thing? I want to try Ballet!

2010-12-29T15:39:00.001-04:00

The reasons why I might be crazy number many, but most recently because….I want to start taking ballet classes.

Do visions of grouchy, pretentious 6 year olds in tights and tutus pop into your head? Yup, mine too. Adult beginner ballet classes are difficult to come by, but they do exist. I found one that will work for me, and I just hope enough people signed up to make the class viable. The studio is closed until the day before class begins so I won’t know until next week.

The next hurtle? Leotards and tights. The studio website said that’s the dress code, but I don’t know if they enforce it with their adult classes (apparently many studios don’t?). It’s on my list of questions to ask when I call on Monday. Also, this is a university town, so I’m a little afraid that all my fellow “beginner adults” will actually be 20-year old beanpoles when I am a mid-twenties 170lb bull-moose by comparison. And they will notice the line under my leotard where my tights will undoubtedly threaten to cut me in two because tights always run small and cut into my chub. They will also notice my panty lines, because I refuse to wear thongs. They will not have to wear bras because they will have little tiny boobs that don’t require them, and I will wear my super-heavy-duty sports bra that I have to fight to get on and off because it only works if it flattens those suckers right down. It will stick out awkwardly from the low back of my leotard and they will notice. They will be flexible and graceful and snotty, while I will be stiff and much like a bull in a china cabinet while trying not to stare at them.

After doing some (a lot) of googling about adults beginning ballet, I note that most people mention that there are a lot of middle-age folks in their classes. I can only hope that’s true, because they will understand my 35lbs over ideal and panty lines.
In the end, I’m gonna do it anyway because I will not let a few extra pounds and some cellulite come between me and something I might enjoy and/or be good at in the future. Suck it, beanpoles, I’m coming to ballet class to show you that women who enjoy their pasta can still dance and look damn good* doing it (* - actual “looking good” to be determined).

Has fear ever kept you from trying something new? Or were you able to conquer it? What was the end result?

It Just Wouldn’t Be Christmas Unless…

2010-12-15T16:14:00.000-04:00

• I promised to have my gifts for away shipped by December 1st, but ended up staying up late to wrap them somewhere around the 15th, forgetting to buy cards or packing paper, packing/wrapping for shipping at least part of a gift in my car or on a bench at the mall, and then barely managing to get everything shipped in time to show up at their destination by Christmas Eve. (Note – this year I didn’t have to use Express Post! That’s definitely a milestone)
• I lost at least half of the addresses to which I need to send out Christmas cards. I do this every. single. year.
• The decision of whether or not to purchase a new dress or shoes for the party weighed heavily in my mind (this year it’s shoes – I have plenty of great dresses for once!)
• I complained that we don’t get to go to enough “grown up” (aka dress up) parties, but then turned down at least one.
• The urge to eat shortbread cookies for each and every meal was winning.
• I wanted wayyyyy more time off than I get.
• I felt a little nostalgic about the way things used to be, and a little sad that they’ll never be like that again.
• I threatened to throw the Christmas Day dinner (and this year, for the first time, I’m following through. Sweet Baby Jesus, wish me luck. I’ll need it).
• I was struggling to come up with something nice to get my father. Fathers are the most ridiculously difficult people to buy for. There’s even a commercial recognizing that fact this year (either McDonald’s or Tim Horton’s, I think).

Truth be told, I’m feeling completely flat about Christmas this year. I usually love the holiday – family, great food and drink, some gifts, time off. This year, though, it sure won’t be even close to “normal”. It started changing drastically for me after my great-grandma passed away in 2006, as we always spend Christmas dinner there. Now my Nan is hospitalized, so there goes my traditional Christmas Eve in the village where I grew up. This year I’m not even going to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas Dinner – they’re coming to our house. And while new traditions aren’t bad, it seems these are all borne of grief and loss rather than new beginnings. I can’t help but feel like I won’t enjoy Christmas again until I have children of my own (don’t hold your breath for that, because it’s not happening any time soon).

So here are some things about Christmas that I still love and enjoy. I’m mostly making this list to try and kick myself into gear.

• The weather is usually still, cold, and with a bit of light snow.
• Christmas lights on houses. And this year I live in a residential area, so it’s been lovely to see all the decorations each evening.
• Cookies.
• Family.
• Classic Christmas music – Bing Crosby and other greats.
• Lots of social drinking – even those who don’t usually indulge tend to loosen up a bit.
• Stockings – they will forever be my favourite gift.
• A few days where absolutely nothing strenuous can be expected of anyone. Screw laundry and chores and all that crap.
• A reason to put antlers on the family pet.

How are you feeling about the holidays this year? What are some of your favourite traditions? Are you starting any new ones?

The Misadventures of Multiple Pet Ownership

2010-12-13T10:51:00.000-04:00

K. and I brought home our adorable 6-week old Rottweiler puppy on Saturday evening. We realize it is too young to be taken from momma dog, but the breeder’s vet advised them that having 9 large-breed puppies feeding from one momma after 6 weeks would be dangerous for momma dog’s health. So they weaned and went home with their new owners.

Having Gil around is a LOT of work. He is super tiny and has almost no bladder control, so he needs to be taken out once every 45 minutes or so, or directly following any nap, meal or drink of water. Even so, he had five potty accidents yesterday. We had planned to get him puppy pads for inside, but then…

Our cat Marvin escaped from the house early in the morning yesterday! (Trying to find a cat AND managing a young untrained puppy is too much for one person, so we didn’t have time to buy training pads.)

We were devastated that Marvin was missing. The whole day was spent either outside calling for Marvin, moping, crying, or some variation of those actions. I canvassed our neighbours for help spotting him, made/posted flyers, and called a local pet detective with scent-trained beagles. In the end, Marvin came home by himself at 6:30am this morning, without needing the detective. We were ecstatic! He is currently safe and sound inside at home.

Trying to cope with the many demands of Gil while being desperately sad over Marvin was incredibly difficult. He chews on everything – pant legs, slippers, shoes, hands, crate bars, carpet, couch cushions….I could go on. He also needs contact watching for signs of needing to pee. We are glad to have him somewhat crate trained already, because there were a few times yesterday we just needed a break.

Have you ever had an escaped pet? What did you do to find him/her? Were you successful? They're true members of the family, aren't they? On a tangent, I don't get these folks that give away their pet just because they're moving, etc. In my opinion, if you get a pet you need to commit to always accomodating for them, e.g., finding an apartment that accomodates cats. If you can't do that, you have no business getting a pet.

Are you a lucky person? I just won a great prize!

2010-12-07T22:08:00.000-04:00

I was having the world's worst day. I won't go into details because I just don't feel like rehashing, but suffice to say I was stressed out, a complete mess, and every bit of it was completely valid. In fact, I'd say I was taking it well.

Then, mid-way through the day, it was time to attend the Phoenix Youth "Nutcracker Luncheon" with my colleagues. It's a lovely event - Symphony Nova Scotia does a short musical set from The Nutcracker and other Christmas tunes, turkey dinner is served, and a Phoenix youth speaks about how the organization has influenced their life for the positive. Even so, I was feeling a bit mentally unwell. Christmas music reminds me of being in church with my Nan on Christmas Eve, and Nan is currently unwell and won't be able to celebrate this year. So each Christmas tune was bittersweet and made me feel like breaking down in tears right there at the table.

Unusually, I had some cash in my wallet so I bought a raffle ticket. I never win anything so I thought I was probably going to lose that $10, but it is for a fantastic cause so I ponied up. It is completely unusual for me to have any cash on me at all. Lo and behold, I won one of the 4 prize packages. My prize was valued at $900 and includes:

One night at the Marriott
A samsung PC netbook
$100 giftcard for my choice of Bish, Il Mercato, or Ristorante A Mano (fine dining in Halifax, all of the Bertossi Restaurant Group)
Free admission to the Pier 21 museum (the only museum in town I've never visited)
A body massage, manicure, facial, and hairstyling at Interlude Spa
$60 gift certificate for Eastern Front Theatre
A bottle of red wine, two bottles of San Pellegrino, a bottle of italian club soda, handmade dried bowtie pasta, pasta sauce, balsamic vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, and some chocolate bars

All in all, I'm super happy with my win. I rarely win anything, much less something of value. It didn't completely fix my terrible day, but it gave me a good boost that got me through the rest of the afternoon. I'm just charging my new netbook now - and feeling rather guilty for hoarding the old laptop when my husband asked to take it on his business trip this week. Now I have three computers at my fingertips and he has no entertainment.

Do you win stuff, or do you know people who win stuff all the time? Or would you consider yourself unlucky?

Work-Life Balance - inner struggles of this young professional

2010-12-01T22:51:00.001-04:00

So how do you get a leg up in a town where people constantly say, "It's not what you know, it's WHO you know"? You join committees, industry groups, charity organizations, work your hole off, and go to every networking opportunity you can.

In all fairness, I don't think Halifax is any worse than its other urban centre counterparts in the "who you know versus what you know" department, but none-the-less, it has a reputation of being a fickle town in which to start a career.

I'm just starting my journey as a young professional, but also as a wife and family woman. Although I have some pretty fierce dreams about having it all (e.g. the powerhouse career and picket-fence family), I know that sacrifices are going to be the name of the game. I have grand visions of being head-hunted by a dream company, being offered a compensation package that no twenty-something could ever decline, and being a director by 30. Frankly, that just isn't likely at this point because I haven't been in the industry long enough to build any reputation or trail of referrals, so I have to put myself out there.

Tonight, I went to my team meeting for a Fusion Halifax team (The People Factor) that is trying to keep young professionals in Halifax by offering personal/professional development and networking opportunities. The meeting was downtown in a recruiting firm boardroom, and I left their office at 7pm. The rest of the office was far from empty and it was exciting to see a business community still very active after 5pm.

If I was single, I would have my hands in so many pots I would be busy all the time, but as a new wife with a new house and a new dog, I also just want to be HOME. It is this remarkably bi-polar feeling, and I hate it. I can't reconcile the part of me that wishes I didn't have to work for a living with the part of me that wants to be an executive by 30.

So what is the answer? I don't know. It's time to step out of my 9-5 box and get involved with industry groups outside of working hours (working on it already!) and explore the working world around me, at least until we decide to have children. I want to know that I took steps to create opportunity for myself; I'm sick of sitting back and watching the world happen to me.

Do you have work-life balance conflicts? Do you work too much, or are you too concerned with home life to give a damn at work? I want to hear about it either way (and please feel free to remain anonymous on this - I would hate for your bosses to find/read this and get you in trouble!)

Letter to a woman who wants to change her life

2010-11-29T20:09:00.000-04:00

Dear Kim,

You may have fallen severely off the healthy wagon....like, so hard you broke your figurative back and are now PARALYZED by the thought of climbing back on....but you must climb back on.

Your pants don't fit, your bras don't fit, and you can see your stomach in every shirt you own. Your expensive sweaters are too tight to be comfortable. Your skin is bad, your attitude is bad, and you can resist anything but temptation when it comes to food. Your stomach hurts from eating dairy and other triggers. And worst of all, you throw yourself a pity party every couple hours.

I'm here to tell you, it stops now. No more can you destroy what little self-esteem you have with negative thoughts and put-downs. Yeah, you're overweight and unhealthy, but you can change that. So DO it.

Everytime a destructive thought pops up and you recognize, say to yourself "I will not harbour destructive and counter-productive thoughts," then follow it up with one thing you're proud of yourself for. And then just follow through on what you know you need to do: don't eat dairy, don't drink caloric beverages, eat lots of veggies and fruit, and get some exercise. You CAN do it. If you mess up once, you don't have to follow it up with months of messing up. You own this journey.

This is a contract with yourself - you WILL do it and you WILL thank yourself for it later. And remember, nobody can do it for you.

Go.

Love, yourself
(Love Yourself!)

Furry New Addition!

2010-11-29T14:59:00.000-04:00

I wanted to announce that we have picked out a furry new addition to our little family - meet Gil the Rottweiler puppy. He is coming home the weekend of December 12th. Here is a picture of him in Keegan's arms at 3 weeks old.

We are excited and nervous to raise a puppy! I know it's a lot of work and patience to get a well-trained, well socialized dog, but we're willing to go the extra mile....or however many extra miles are required.

Remembering a Veteran: My Poppy

2010-11-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

The upcoming holiday of Remembrance Day always makes me think of my grandfather, who was a World War II veteran and participant in the Liberation of Holland. I don’t know much about his time in the war because he didn’t talk about it when I was around, but I still want to honour him and my memory of him. He passed away six years ago in October. Here is a post from a former blog (originally posted in June 2006).

I am reading Tuesdays with Morrie for the second time. It's a book about the meaning of life and coming to terms with dying. I guess it could be said that the meaning of life IS accepting that you're going to die and living accordingly.

One line in the book captured my attention: "I hope you find the healing power in grieving".

I think I read this book to grieve my grandfather. Finally, a year and a half after Poppy's death, I'm about to discover the healing power in grieving for him. I'm about to finally let myself write about watching Poppy die.

When I was a young child, Poppy seemed like a very big, serious and industrious man. Every once in a while, his gruff outer veneer would crack into a show of silliness and affection for his youngest granddaughter. I remember old Newfoundland music playing on a sunny Saturday morning, and watching Poppy jig around their big country kitchen in his slippers.

I can't quite place on a timeline when I first noticed he wasn't doing well anymore. I remember that he blacked out and fell one day, and he was never really well after that, but I don't recall my age. He did not take the doctor and rehabilitation advice to stay active. He took to sitting in his chair and complaining. He was in pain much of the time.

Over the years he spent in that chair in the living room, I learned much about him. He was a veteran of the second world war, although he didn’t tell me stories from the war. He was a jack of all trades, having fished, owned a store, owned a dump truck and worked on the dockyards, to name only a few. He also saved more than one life.

Hearing the stories he told one by one, I didn't realize their cumulative worth until after his death. The WWII alone made him a hero to me, but I didn't realize how many times over.

None the less, there are things Poppy didn't talk about of his own accord. There are stories I didn't hear; I guess I never asked. There is much more I wish I knew.

In October 2004, my Uncle Neil passed away suddenly and without warning. On the day of his funeral, as my family dined following the service, the cell phone rang, and my dad learned that his father had been taken by ambulance and was in the emergency department. Already on overload, I headed to the washroom and cried privately.

We went to the hospital following the meal and met up with my nan and Dad's two sisters. I was the only grandchild present. When it was my turn to see Poppy, his speech was slurred and his breathing laboured, but he was so happy to see me there. I'll never forget the simple joy I brought him. This was the beginning of his congestive heart failure.

The doctors suggested that a pacemaker could help Poppy's heart work better and stop the congestion. There was a possibility he would recover a bit, although not likely enough to return home to the house he'd built for his family. He was likely to live the rest of his days in the Veterans' Memorial Hospital, where he would be much more easily cared for.

At first, the pacemaker seemed to make a big improvement. Poppy's speech improved and the doctors said he was beginning to eliminate the congestion. We didn't imagine that he wouldn't even live to see the Veteran's Memorial. I got a little too optimistic.

The night after that visit, I had just gone to sleep. My cell phone rang shortly after 2am. Poppy's condition has deteriorated very quickly, and the hospital had called Nan to let her know that he probably wouldn't make it through the night. Mom and Dad picked me up 45 minutes later and we travelled to the hospital where the family had gathered to say goodbye. The minister was called to give Last Rites.

When I arrived at the hospital, I didn't know what to expect. I put on my paper over-gown, mask, gloves and cap to go into the room. Everyone was in such a strange state. My aunts seemed crazed. One was nearly manic with coping mechanisms and annoying chatter; the other was on autopilot. Nan wanted to make Poppy comfortable and get him food, because the man hadn't been able or allowed to eat for seven days. He was given only as much water as he could suck off a sponge swab in addition to his IV fluids. Dad had faded into the background.

Poppy's breathing was raspy and filled with fluid. It sounded almost like the suction at the dentist. He would cough this awful rolling cough - too weak to cough hard enough to expell the phlegm. He was too weak to raise his arm with a tissue to collect the phlegm he was able to bring up. He was in a delirious state. He kept asking for soup; for pop which he couldn't have, while Nan begged us to give a dying man what he so desperately wanted. If we had given in, he would have choked to death.

Poppy would lapse into hallucinations and mumble incoherently. He was nearly impossible to make out due to the weakness of his voice and the slurring, and the family was getting frustrated because they felt so useless. I sat beside his bed with tissue, gathering his phlegm from his mouth and holding his hand.. I seemed to be the only one who wasn't too afraid to stay close.

Pastor Lisa arrived. The family held hands around Poppy's bed as he was prayed over during his Last Rites. It was completely surreal to me and felt like something out of a tear-jerker TV movie. I wanted nothing more than to burst into tears.

I was the only one to understand when Poppy asked me if it was alright to die. He would have fought longer for us. I relayed his message to the family and we all reassured him that we love him and it was alright to let go. We wanted his suffering to end.

He stabilized for the night, and we left to get some sleep. The following night I received another phone call, this time to inform me that he'd passed, alone. He'd waited so we didn't have to see him die.

I have never experienced human suffering like that before. Such a strong and capable man was rendered completely helpless.

It has taken me over a year and a half to gain the will to write this. I still haven't visited his gravesite. Maybe now I will be more comfortable.

The family, I think, wondered why I would not view the body in the open casket visitation. It upset me terribly to think about seeing him, lifeless. I think it’s because I never want to remember that about him. I want my memories to be filled by his life, not his death. Maybe now that I've expelled the details of his death, I can move on to remember his life.

Is or was there a veteran in your life? Tell me a bit about them below.

Starting Small

2010-11-08T16:06:00.000-04:00

At this point, I have so much to blog about that mid-way through a post, I get cold feet about the length and quality of it and end up pressing the little red ‘x’. Seriously, I think I’ve tried to post about six times over the last week. So today, being a rainy Monday that required gravol, I’m going to start small and write about the weekend.
Regrettably, I have no pictures to share from our housewarming party, but none-the-less, it happened Saturday night. We invited pretty much everyone – friends, family, colleagues from both jobs. It was pouring down rain and pitch black outside, so we doubted folks would want to come out, but we were pleasantly surprised and had tonnes of guests! Even my mom, a non-partier, came out for a while.

The shindig was open-house style, so if folks wanted to come by for a quick glass of wine and “the tour,” they didn’t have to feel obligated to stay long. On the flipside, if they wanted to stay all night, they could. Our last guests left at 5am. I basked in the freedom of not worrying that we were being too loud and disturbing someone like I did whenever we entertained at the apartment.

This isn't my after-party empties collection, but ours beat it

Added bonus: In the morning, there was virtually no mess – just empties, glasses, paper plates, and some serving dishes to clean up.

Added bonus: We scored seven bottles of gifted wine to keep us “festive” over the upcoming holidays.

Yesterday, we did precious little. I should have slept more than I did after our late night, but I’m not one to nap.

Today, I find myself feeling way overtired and a tad nauseous. I took a generic-brand gravol from my cube-mate (who adorably calls them “woofie pills” because they keep her from woofing, which is what she calls vomiting) and was so dizzy/drowsy/loopy that my boss told me I should consider going home. Unfortunately, I was in no shape to drive and decided it was best for everyone if I stayed off the roads until the gravol wore off.

How was your weekend? How did you spend your extra hour from setting back your clocks?

Finding Myself

2010-10-15T10:25:00.000-03:00

Howdy, fine readers! Here I am, set to do an update that I told you I wouldn’t get to until November, a.k.a. when the insanity dies down a bit. But I don’t know, I just woke up so ridiculously full of life this morning that I had to share. I have been so stressed out over the past two weeks; I haven’t been fit to be around. It’s nice to be excited about stuff again.

1. I am registered to give a presentation to Grade 9 students at my old junior high school through the Junior Achievement Program. Basically, I will speak about the value of education and how to stay fiscally responsible. Public speaking is something I really enjoy, and I got my start teaching teens 12-18 with cadets, so I feel like I’m returning to my roots.

2. I have inquired about volunteering with Fusion Halifax’s The People Factor group. Essentially, they are working to make Halifax a great city for young professions by creating career development opportunities. I love human resources but struggled to find work in the city so I feel deeply invested in this topic.

3. In 2006, I played clarinet in a recreational concert band. I had to give it up because I had Tuesday night classes almost every semester in university, and then moved to a building where the lease stipulated no loud musical instruments. Since there is no way to hush a woodwind, I’ve had to wait until we bought a house to consider rejoining. It struck me this morning that I could get involved now that we’re moving, so I looked them up. It turns out my all-time favourite teacher, who taught band in junior high, is now the director! I emailed this morning to see if he’ll accept me mid-season, after I’ve had time to practice and regain my embouchure.

Y’all, I can’t tell you how good it feels to get back into volunteerism, community involvement, and a hobby I wish I’d never given up. I have not done anything useful other than work since I stopped working with Air Cadets. It’s strange how it can make you feel like you’re not a whole person when you have nothing outside the home to keep you busy. Personally, I know I’ve become a time miser – someone who begrudges spending time doing anything for other people because I am obsessed with relaxing and having time to myself. And you know what? It’s a terrible feeling. So here’s to re-engaging with the outside world beyond the workplace!

How do you stay involved in the community? Do you feel empty when you aren't partipating in the world outside your home actively?

Hiatus

2010-09-29T12:15:00.000-03:00

Hi everyone, I’m taking an official break from blogging until November. I have two weddings’ worth of bridesmaidly duties to perform, a home to pack up and move, family birthdays to celebrate, and a wellness challenge of 58 teams in four different cities to coordinate. I love blogging, but I am just not going to be able to find time until the weddings, challenge, and moving are all over.

See you on the flip side, y’all. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving and Halloween! Enjoy the loveliest month of the fall season.

So much to tell you...gonna explode!

2010-09-12T21:11:00.000-03:00

Hi-dee-ho, there, readeroos! I know I've been far from present on the blog lately, and there's good reason for it. I have had a lot going on, and I can't seem to find any exciting, thematic way to organize it...so I'm just gonna blurt it all out below:

Budgeted like absolute crazy in preparation to...
Visited the financial planner to make sure we were organized enough to considering purchasing a home. He patted us on the back for being one of the rare young couples who is on top of their finances, and gave us the green light to..
Visited the mortgage broker, who proceeded to scare us with what the banks would give us. He gave us a lot of great info for new home buyers, didn't force us above our pre-determined budget for a mortgage, and pre-approved us with a locked-in interest rate.
Arranged an appointment with a realtor (tomorrow night) and had long discussions about what we are looking for. We have a couple listings we're hoping to see soon!
Spending time helping to prepare K.'s parents' home for their return from a different province. They rented their house while they lived away so it needed some work after the tenants moved out.
Spending time with my Nan since she landed in the hospital a week and a half ago (she is doing alright).
Travelling for work - I went to Saint John last week and got majorly lost in that "city".
Planning showers and bachelorettes for my girls who are getting married in October.
Stressing over several upcoming deadlines for work.....eeeeeeeeek...
Stressing about EVERYTHING! I just can't wait until the end of October because most deadlines will have come and gone, and hopefully we'll at least have a closing date for a home, if not be moved in.

Blah Blah Budget Blah

2010-08-25T20:50:00.001-03:00

K. and I are on the road to prospective home ownership this fall. Before we jump in with both feet, we decided to get the rest of our financial commitments in order. We have an appointment with a financial planner next week to help us make sure we really can afford a house and still comfortably meet our other financial goals.

We prepared a net worth statement and a budget to send to our planner. While preparing the budget I got the “great” idea of doing what those debt management shows do by chronicling every single cent we each spent over the last three or four months. We sorted it all into categories like fixed expenses, debt payment, money that went toward savings, entertainment, shopping, etc.

Looking at the last four months was a snapshot of our most extreme spending of our lives to-date – we had the wedding and the honeymoon thrown in there. None the less, after sorting out that particular money flow, we got a decent idea of how we spend our unbudgeted money each month and it wasn’t pretty.

In short, we decided to move to a cash budget for restaurant and shopping spending each month in order to not overspend. We spent an obscene amount of money on eating out because of sheer laziness. We’re not fond of using credit cards so I thought I’d notice the money leaving my back account via debit card…alas, I was wrong.

Are you interested in seeing where your money goes? You don’t have to be a financial expert to get the basics. Here’s how to do it:

1. Export your bank and credit card statements from the last three months into a spreadsheet. I made a separate worksheet for each month, but you can do whatever works for you.

2. Put your spending categories across the top – some basic ones are Rent/Mortgage, utilities, debt payment, money to savings, car payment, grocery, entertainment, restaurant, cash withdrawal and gas, but add others as required. We added Wedding and Honeymoon to help us sort out those one-time expenses.

3. Go through the list of your transactions one by one and copy the withdrawal amount into the applicable category column.

4. Total the column for each month. You can take an average of monthly spending in each category by adding all three months’ in that category and dividing by three.

5. Total ALL your expenditures for each month (both bank account and credit card, ALL of your income for the month, and ensure that you don’t spend more money than you bring in. WARNING: This is going to scare you, even if you think you’re good with your money. It is easy enough to do and highlights the importance of keeping an emergency savings fund for car repairs and other unforeseen expenses.
What now?

Now that you know exactly what you spend each month, you can see where all your money is going. Figure out how much your fixed and regular expenses cost you, and how much is left over after you meet all your obligations and feed yourself. The leftover is your discretionary income – that’s what you have to play with every month.

Change your mindset

Savings and debt payment should be built right into your budget as fixed expenses. Pay yourself first. It’s so easy to get into the trap of saying you’ll save whatever you didn’t spend at the end of the month but then you find have spent it all. I set up my bank account to automatically transfer 13% of each paycheque into savings on pay day, and I don’t even miss it. A good rule of thumb is to save 10% of your take-home.

Have you ever done a complete analysis of your spending habits? If so, what spending habits surprised you. If you haven't, what's stopping you? Get'er done, my friends!

Race Day!

2010-08-22T22:10:00.000-03:00

I ran a 5k today, after much internal debate on whether to follow through or not. I signed up after May’s 5k (which I run-walked, much to my own disappointment) with the solemn vow to run this 5k without walking. When I determined that, due to not following through with my training plan, I wouldn’t be capable of running the whole thing today, I decided to sit it out. Simple enough to do, except that my husband and best friend were both running so I would have had to cheer them on while feeling like crap.

K. picked up our race kits yesterday and tried to give me some motivation to just do the race, regardless of how much of it I could run. He pushed me; I pushed back and threatened to plant my ass firmly on the couch for the duration of the race. However, this morning I knew there was no way my own conscience was letting me out of it. Armed with the race shirt I had to baptize in order to earn the right to wear it again, and my kick-ass new Garmin training watch, I ran intervals - running 2.5 minutes, walking 1 minute for the whole race. It worked out to be the perfect interval for me and I finished the race with minimal distress. Added bonus was that I beat my Bluenose 5k time.
The good: I finished the race with a respectable time, and I placed 24/34 in my gender/age division – not last or even close to last! I also found the perfect run/walk interval for me to start back into a consistent training plan, completely by accident. Furthermore, I beat two stick-women in my division who both seriously needed to eat a damn cheeseburger. Proof that skinny people aren't automatically fit, and a big ego boost for the chubby girl!

The bad: I made K. run with me, despite promising him he could run his own race …..I just didn’t want to do it alone today, given I’d planned to not race at all.

The ugly: I didn’t meet my goal of running a 5k without walk breaks for the second time this summer. I need to figure out what my mental block on consistent training is – I am even considering councilling/therapy for some personal growth in the motivation/persistence arena of life.

All in all, I am very glad I didn’t sit this one out. I love the race day atmosphere. I would have miserable sitting on the sidelines watching my closest peeps getting out there and doing it while thinking I could have done it, too.

What do you love about race day? If you haven't participated in a race or similar event, what really motivates you to push yourself to the next level?

Breakfasts and Lunchs

2010-08-22T21:47:00.000-03:00

Breakfast and lunch are a daily struggle for me. Actually, food in general has been hard for me lately, but I'll get to that later.

Since dairy is off my list of things I can eat, breakfast has been very difficult for me. I am a big-time cereal lover - I could happily eat it for all three meals and a snack each day. I've tried all your standard dairy replacements, but cereal without actual milk is just not doable for me. So, my breakfast list is down to fruit and toast, essentially. Even oatmeal is basically written off because it's just not the same without some cold milk on top.

If only I liked eggs. The 'rents tell me that Baby Kim loved eggs, but I can't remember that. I want to like them. I love the smell of eggs, no matter how they're cooking. I love the smell so much that I try eggs every couple of months, but I just can't warm up to them. It might be the texture or the taste, or maybe a combination of the two, but it's not happening for me. Either way, I'm totally missing out on a versatile and protein-filled breakfast choice. Darn.

When it comes to lunch, I just. don't. know. At work, I eat what I bring, but it is so often lacking in creativity and taste. At home, "lunch" is often just an extention of breakfast, or else just a snack. I'm really, really, really not a lunch person.

The reason food itself is a problem lately is that I'm just not enjoying food. The things I crave are not good for me, and after a couple bites I'm just not interested anyway. Things that are good for me are either gross or so over-done that I'm sick of it. I'm also not a food menu planner - I can plan to my heart's content, but sucking it up and eating it as planned when I'm just not interested makes me so bitter. Don't get me wrong, I still manage to eat more than enough, but my choices are falling pretty flat.

I have to branch out and try some new recipes! What do you do when you're stuck in a food rut?

Do you believe in the supernatural?

2010-08-11T19:03:00.000-03:00

Do you believe in supernatural phenomena? At work today we got talking about some ghost stories which brought the subject to my attention.

My mother is a huge believer in the supernatural and paranormal, and some of her stories are really interesting to listen to. I had a hard time relating and therefore wasn't sure where I sat in the spectrum of belief until two specific events. Now I believe that the paranormal exists but is not here to hurt us (maybe just warn us in some cases), but that some people are far more perceptive and sensitive to their presence than others.

So one experience had nothing to do with "ghosts," per se, since the subject was actually alive. We had a big rottweiler/bernese mountain dog, Moose, when I was a teenager. At night he slept in the laundry room in the basement until the small kitten got a big older, and he was locked in there until we got up for the day and let him out. The door opened into the room and had no door knob, so if Moose jumped up on the door he would just close it tighter.

One morning I woke up and found Moose pushing through my bedroom door's opening to come in. He sniffed my hand and panted happily, encouraging me to get up and feed him or take him out for a walk. I figured that my father had let him out of his "bedroom" and therefore his feeding/walk would have been taken care of, so I went back to sleep.

A half-hour or so later, I decided to get up for the morning. I was surprised to find that nobody else was up and Moose was still locked in his "bedroom". I figured I must have been actually dreaming about his visit earlier, but it was so realistic. I attended to the dog. When my folks got up, I told them about my weird dream and….

My father had the exact. Same. Experience. Same dream, very realistic as if he'd been completely awake. Same time on the clock when he looked. Like me, he assumed that someone else in the house was up and would be looking after Moose so he just went back to sleep.

There was no way for that dog to get out of his room. The door was shut tight. Even if he had gotten out, he wouldn't have locked himself back up. It was so, so, so strange.

Another experience is slightly more emotional as it happened shortly after my dear great-grandmother passed away, but suffice to say she predicted in my dream that I would be "set for life". I didn't realize until a few months later that she meant I would find the love of my life who I married. I believe it was her trying to tell me that everything was going to be okay and that even though she died, I was ready to live without her live guidance. Maybe I will write about it in another post if anyone wants to hear about it.

Where do you sit on the spectrum of belief? Do you have any ghost stories or unexplainable occurrences? I'd love to hear all about them!

A typical night in my house

2010-08-09T23:31:00.000-03:00

Around 11pm, otherwise known as noise level by-law time, my third floor apartment sounds like this:

"HOWWWWWWWWWWL"
RunningThumping
CRASH
runnning"MEOooooooowwwwwwLLLLLLLLL"
Scratch scratch scratch
more running
thump BANG

Blurs of black and white furr can be seen in rapid passage, and occassionally a set of yellow pie-shaped eyes peering around a corner.

Shorly after this begins,

"MARVIN!! Shhhhhh. Stop that. MARVIIIIIIIIIIN, cut it out, you little black-and-white bastard"

You see, our poor downstairs neighbour sometimes likes to sleep at bedtime, but Freight Train the Cat won't allow her. Or us, for that matter.

We must be *thisssssss close* to getting evicted. C'mooooon down-payment!

Growing pains

2010-08-08T21:18:00.000-03:00

How do I know I'm getting older? I really enjoy all those grown-up things that I really hated as a kid. I couldn't stand picnics, playing catch, long country drives with my parents, walks for the sake of just walking, and cook-outs. Now I would gladly cancel just about any plans I have to do any of those things, and they are actually my activities of choice when I have a day off from work.

So I have to wonder why we go from hating those boring things to really enjoying them as we grow older? And what else will I end up liking as I age? Fishing? Mowing the lawn?

Today I had to drop K. off at the airport for a work trip, and then saw an opportunity to invite myself along on my parents' typical Sunday outing of going for a drive and getting some food. After bribing my 'rents with the promise of the t-shirts we bought them in New Hampshire, we headed to a picnic park in Musquodoboit beside a river and settled in for a great day. Dad had brought along a little foam football and a frisbee so we played catch most of the afternoon. I had so much fun, which is weird to me, because I vehemently hated playing catch with Dad when I was a kid. Today, though, I just kept thinking of how much better it was than sitting at home in front of a computer or a television.

I'm making a committment now, then. I am vowing to spend more time outside doing stuff - anything. Walking, swimming, kicking a soccer ball, or even just reading a book in the fresh air all sound so much more appealing than anything to do with indoors. I just hope Hubby sees it the same way as I do.

Dear readers, is there anything that you hated doing as a kid but love now? Can you put your finger on why that might be the case?

Skirtless Dresses

2010-08-03T21:34:00.000-03:00

I want to discuss with you the skirtless dress, as I've dubbed it. If you're unfamiliar, they are the dresses that were probably intended to be worn over tights but are often worn as they are. Meanwhile, I'm thinking you're not even going to believe me about how short they are because I didn't manage to sneak a photo. So here is something not quite as scandelous from the internet, but you get the idea:

My first experience with the skirtless dress was at my bachelorette party. I'll be the first to admit that I hadn't been out dancing at a club in a really long time, but I wasn't expecting that the hemlines had receded assward four to six inches since my club days. Sure, chicks wore skanky dresses and skirts out to party all the time, but the young'uns out the night of my bachelorette sported skirts that barely (and in some cases didn't) cover their asses.

Ok, so I get it.... Barely legal chicks these days want to get laid more than ever, so hemlines got shorter. Not rocket science, just rocket-in-your-pocket. But really? Is 24 SO old that I didn't notice it happening? I can't even fathom how tight these dresses must be in order to not creep up over the ass, revealing all, as they walk. How do they sit down?

Then today, I saw two girls walking in broad daylight up toward Mic Mac Mall. They weren't prostitutes, they were just young girls on summer vacation from high school. Here's a little tip for you, "ladies" (and I use that term very, very loosely): If your "skirt" (also used loosely) is short enough that you don't have to actually lift it to use the bathroom or have sex, you HAVE A PROBLEM!

What makes you feel old when you're out on the town? Is it the trends in clothing? The binge drinking all around you? In Canada, the legal age to drink is 19 so things at the bar get really....young....sometimes. It's easy to find 24 old here - we got IDed everywhere we went in the US, but in Canada, I rarely get IDed.

My campaign begins! How do you raise money when fundraising?

2010-08-02T19:06:00.000-03:00

Well, ladies and gents, you've heard about my commitment to running a half-marathon, and now it's time for me to tell you the details.

I joined the Joints in Motion training team, which means that my half-marathon is to fight arthritis by raising money for The Arthritis Society. My fundraising goal is a hefty $7200, which is about the biggest personal challenge I've ever taken on beside the half-marathon itself. I was that girl in grade nine who bought all her own chocolate bars to "fundraise" money for the graduation trip, and I actually ended up having to pay for most of my own trip.

Why did I feel that taking this on was something I could/should do? For the running, it was simple - I CAN do it, physically, and knowing that I'm doing for millions of arthritic Canadians who can't will help me conquer the mental challenge. Arthritis is not just a disease that affects old people, and I have know of some amazing young people for whom arthritis makes daily living a massive challenge.

Given that I am not a natural-born fundraiser and I have a really hard time asking people for money, even for an amazing cause, please help me figure out how I'm gonna chug through this $7200 in the next thirteen months! If you have fundraising ideas, I wanna hear them!

Oh, and if you are so inclined, you can visit my personal page with Joints in Motion and sponsor me! Every little bit helps, as my first goal of $250 by August 25, 2010 is fast approaching.

And the winner is....

2010-07-29T22:29:00.000-03:00

ME! Kim Humes at the lovely Halifax-based Gathers No Moss included me among the six bloggers she awarded the Cherry on Top award for beautiful blogs with that little bit extra. Check out Kim's blog because I wanted to give this award right back to her - it's beautiful and oh so entertaining. This is Say What?!'s first blog award, folks, so you may depend on it having made my day.

So here's what a recipient of the Cherry on Top Award must do:

1. Answer this question: if you had the chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I'm not one to regret things because everything I've done, good and bad, has helped bring me to this point in my life where I'm happy. But I would probably go back over the last couple years and stick with my fitness and healthy-eating regime a lot more faithfully. I'd be a skinny bitch by now instead of a fox in a fat suit (note: I do not actually think I'm fat, just that I'm not as svelte as I once was....). Not exactly profound, but there you have it. I would not want to make profound changes in any other aspect of my life.

2. The second thing you have to do is, pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have gotten this award

Can't I just give it to all the blogs I follow? Seriously, there is so much blogger talent out there. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, though, so here's my 6 picks:
Fired 'n' Fabulous: Ellen's blog about pursuing her real life's passion lights up my life, makes me laugh, makes me think, and just generally inspires me. Not only is her new page aesthetically pleasing, but I'm compelled to check a million times a day for updates.

From Fat to Fab: I literally just found Berryfine's blog yesterday, but it captivated me into spending a ridiculous amount of time reading archives. The journey that she is on to become even more fabulous by the day is just amazing, and I could see her personal growth over the course of her blog posts.

House of the Discarded: Beth rescues cats from a shelter life that ends abruptly with euthanasia simply because the shelter thinks they've been around too long. She writes poignantly about the extreme ups and downs of her chosen passion (although I think the passion chose her, truth be told). Her entries don't spare my tears from falling, but I love reading about the hundreds of little kitty souls she saves.

Eat, Read, Rant!: I love Nadette's blog. Her tongue-in-cheek writing keeps me in stitches, but the blog has a serious side, too. Her recent post on her travels had a ton of pictures and was almost like being there myself. Screw you, Frommer, I've got Nadette's take on things in Spain.

Savvy Mode: Savvy Gal's style is beautiful, and she shares it with US on her blog! Yes, how lucky are we to be able to get her always ultra-chic and classic take on fashion? Her blog has a conversational tone that I just love

Making It After All: Kelly inspires me so much with her blog about climbing her way to success in New York City. I feel like we live such similar lives in different places. I love her memoir-style blog and I always look forward to her updates

3. The third and final thing is, thank the person who gave you the award:

I sent her an email a little while ago, but Kim, if you make it here before you check your email, THANK YOU for making my day with this honour.

How do you push through your training lows?

2010-07-28T21:02:00.000-03:00

I've hit a low tonight. Like, dig me a ditch 'cause I'm army-crawling that half-marathon low. Anything to avoid actually training for the run and having my ass handed to me.

I'm REALLY proud of the workout I did earlier tonight, but disappointed at the same time. I set out with my new "beginner's running group" (consisting so far of one friend who is more fit than me and one stranger who answered the beginner's group kijiji ad I posted but who is also significantly more fit than I am) to run a 3km route. I have been hooked to Chicken Soup for the Soul for Runners like a crack whore to the pipe lately, and in the wake of all those nauseatingly inspirational stories about pushing through ridiculous pain, I completely forgot that I. AM. MORTAL.

So, having never run more than 1km in a solid stretch before walking 500m to catch my breath, I decided I woul "push through no matter what and just GET this 3km done". I swear to you I would love to say I had an epic run of newbie greatness, but honestly I would have barfed while shitting my pants and burst thousands of capilaries had I forced it beyond what I did

I, none-the less, huffed and puffed my way through the 3km course. I ran the full first kilometer, and alternated short periods of walking and jogging at the world's slowest pace for the remaining 2km. My jogging pace is just soooooo slow. When I was finished, my face was beat red and it took about five more minutes for me to be able to speak in normal, flowing conversation. I had stomach cramps that felt like my insides were trying to come out. This means that I persisted through some serious grueling training, despite not meeting my prior (insane) goal. I kicked my own ass and I'm proud of me.

I'm still majorly bummed that I slowed down these other faster/fitter runners....but they knew what they were getting themselves into. Sorta. I just keep looking at the picture below and reminding myself that the high from finishing a race is totally worth it. And I didn't even RUN that whole 5km. Imagine when I RUN 21.2 km. Bitchin'.

What was the biggest physical challenge you've ever pushed through? Where did you mind go in hard times to keep you motivated? What made you keep your persistence? Tell me your story because they fuel me through runs.

You could say I've lost my mind

2010-07-23T17:29:00.000-03:00

I'm biting the bullet and registering for a half-marathon in Dublin, September 2011. The charity for whom I'll fundraise is Joints in Motion (arthritis research).

Lemme put it to you straight up: I can't. BELIEVE. I'm doing this. I feel like I'm on top of the world and like I know I can't do it all at once - it's so conflicting.

I have thirteen months to train from practically a non-runner to half-marathon, which I'm confident I can do. But when I'm out there actually pounding the pavement, it's super hard to believe in my ability to grow as a runner.

Example: I went for a "run" today. It's 27 degrees Celcius (hot). I ran 0.5km, walked 0.5km, ran 0.5 km, walked 0.5km, and packed it in. I have a LONG way to go. But because I'm doing this not only for myself but for a good cause and for all the people who will contribute to the charity because of my future accomplishment, I will push through. I think once I reach the point where I can run in a club or group with other people, I will be in a much better headspace for training. It's just the initial hurtle of having to train alone because I don't want to hold back the "real runners".

My plan includes cross-training this time, which really helped my friend C. when she was training for her first race. I want to fit in three or four runs a week with two cross-training sessions to even things out, and on weeks where I'm tired, I'll cut a run and cross-train instead. I think spin-classes are going to be a great thing for me.

Many folks have done it before me and so can I. The biggest obstacle to overcome is my mind.

Visible Tattoos in the Office - do or don't?

2010-07-21T20:22:00.000-03:00

I had a tattoo scheduled to be done this Saturday, and I was really excited about it. I was going to get a text tattoo commemorating my maiden name on my left forearm. But....not gonna lie, I had a little bout of doubt earlier today and I cancelled. It's not my first tattoo, but my foot one is easier to cover.

Here's why I had doubts:

A colleague got a tattoo on her bicep and came to my cubemate to ask about the tattoo coverage policy at work. She was worried she'd have to wear sleeves or cardigans forever. I listened intently because mine would be even less coverable - it would have to be long sleeves all the time if it needed to be covered. My current company doesn't require us to cover our tattoos unless we plan to publically represent the company at an event, but that doesn't guarantee that I won't ever work for a tattoo-unfriendly company.

http://blog.pennlive.com/midstate_impact/2009/07/large_TATTOO%2001%200719%20RMB.JPG

Most companies now seem to be pretty chill about visible tattoos as long as they're non-offensive, but you don't have to talk to too many people before you come up with some anecdotes of people who have to cover their tats at work. I'm just not interested in being told to cover a part of myself.

Anyway, definitely had a moment of doubt and then decided if I have any glimmer of doubt about a permanent body alteration, I should cancel until I'm 100% positive.

Do you have tattoos that you have to cover for work? Would the possibility of having to cover yours in the future keep you from getting one? Have you ever judged an employee - whether retail or professional or whatever - for their body art? Does the TYPE of tattoo make a difference to you? And check out this highly offensive article by some asshat who calls himself a "consultant" and then look at his response to some very well articulated criticisms.

Office Pranks: Best one you've seen?

2010-07-07T22:36:00.000-03:00

So, long standing tradition in a few offices I’ve worked at has been that when you go away on vacation, you can expect to come back to some sort of prank. One place I worked, we covered everything in the guy’s cube in either saran wrap or tin foil – every pencil, the mouse, the stapler, etc. It was hilarious, except we had to listen to him unwrap everything for about half an hour.

My boss is currently away on vacation, and pranks are the custom in my department, too. For instance, in the past, one co-worker put post-its on every surface in a vacationing co-worker’s office – 1100 yellow post-its, I believe.

Not the same office, just a web pic of the same prank

So we’ve been trying to think of some things to do to N.’s office while he is away. N., if you’re reading (doubtful), just know that we decided you’ll be too busy when you get back to accept any pranks so we ruled them out this time. But here’s what I wanted to do to him: alphabetize his computer keyboard by popping off the letter key caps and re-arranging them. Ultimately, we decided not to because that will actually disrupt his ability to work for a while and, well, he is the boss! But I'm filing the alphabetization of the keyboard away for future use to someone else.

I’m leaving for my honeymoon one work day before he gets back so I wouldn’t have been there to reap the hilarious rewards anyway. I’m also a bit nervous about what will happen to my cube while I’m away. I don’t take jokes super well so I have to be mentally prepared and hope to not come off as a no-fun ass-clown.

What is the funniest or best office prank you’ve been privvy to?

How would you spend lottery winnings?

2010-07-05T20:32:00.000-03:00

I’m not talking major jackpot here – not the rich-beyond-your-wildest-dreams, do-whatever-you-want-because-you-have-too-much-money sort. Rather, if you won a couple tens of thousands up to maybe $200,000, what would you do to put your money to work?

Someone I know won $64,000 back a number of years ago. They’re living comfortably and are very generous people, but I didn’t know them way back when so I am curious if they’d be in the same reasonably secure financial position now if they hadn’t won that money back then. $64,000 doesn’t seem like a life-changing amount of money, but I’d bet dollars or doughnuts that it can have a long-lasting effect on life – of course, there’s no way to know for sure.

What would I do if I won that 64 grand? Well, I don’t generally play the lottery, but should my twice-a-year ticket be the big winner, here’s what I’d do:

• Pay off my debt (student loans and car loan) in completion. This would leave me about $14, 000. My husband doesn’t have any debt so we’d be set. The money I normally put toward debt payment each month would become savings for retirement, home buying/improvement, and travel.

• Invest $5,000 in the stock market

• Put $5,000 away in a retirement savings plan

• $4,000 “fun money,” including buying some nice gifts for our family.

I find this a far more interesting concept than a mega-win, because you can sort of see someone’s financial philosophy through how they ration a small win. Do you pay off all their debt and blow the rest? Do you save or invest it all? Do you pick up a couple big-ticket items?
I’m so curious, lovely readers, how you would spend yours? On a related note, have you ever seen that TV show about winning the lottery? "The Lottery Changed My Life"? I love watching it and seeing that no matter how much people win, they seem to skip the interior designer so they have HUGE mansions with trailor park style inside. UGH! If I had millions of dollars, you better believe I'm paying someone to design my million-dollar space.

A Guide to Frenemies

2010-07-04T13:17:00.000-03:00

We all get the basic concept, right? A frenemy is that person who passes his or herself off as your friend but wrongs you in some way repeatedly. Wikipedia defines a "Frenemy" (alternately spelled "frienemy") as a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" which can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or to a partner who is simultaneously a competitor and rival. The term is used to describe personal, geopolitical, and commercial relationships both among individuals and groups or institutions.

Well, that was a fun fact. The term is used often in celebrity gossip, but frenemies happpen to regular people, too. It's not always a clear-cut concept so here are some tell-tale signs of a frenemy according to yours truly:

• You may recognize a frenemy as the one who is always talking trash about other mutual acquaintances but seems to get along with them just fine when they’re together. You can rest assured that if he or she is trashing everyone around you behind their backs, he or she is doing the same to you.

• You may also find a frenemy when you realize you have no desire to spend time with one of your friends – ever. I’ve had this happen a couple of times. A friend would invite me to hang out or go somewhere with them, and I just wouldn’t have any desire to go, or I would agree but completely dread it. We all have times where we’d just rather not spend time in the company of anyone else, but when I felt this way about the same person repeatedly, I had to examine why I felt that way.

• In one of the last cases, it was because that friend always left me feeling worse about myself than I did before we spent time together. In one case, I felt that the girl was always condescending, and that nothing I did or owned was good enough for her. That all seems like eons ago, but when I recently ran into her at a shopping mall, it seemed like the once-bestie felt inconvenienced that I had stopped her in public. She made several thinly-veiled criticisms of what I had in my hands to purchase, where I live, etc. “Is that for Halloween?” she said of a flower hair clip in my hands at H&M. I was all, "bitch PLEASE" and for once I stood my ground and made my own catty observations about some of her life choices. It was all very passive-aggressive but the underlying unfriendliness was communicated loud and clear.

• A frenemy will sometimes come out of the woodwork when you have something useful to them. Maybe you have a car and you never hear from a friend until they have some errands to run and “invite” you along for the drive – in your car. Or perhaps you have a connection that they need to get in touch with. You’ll never hear from these ‘friends’ and they’ll never call you back until they need you for something.

• A frenemy doesn’t have your back like a true friend. He or she will let you fall and then gloat while you pick up the pieces. We can all be guilty of this at times, but a frenemy makes a habit out of standing back when you really need a helping hand.

• A friend doesn’t have to do anything overtly wrong or bad to find themselves in frenemy territory. I had a long-distance friend as a teenager who would call several times daily with drama, ask for my advice, never take it, and otherwise never let me get a word in edgewise. Aside from driving my whole family crazy with the several-times-a-day ringing phone, she was selfish and had no interest in having a two-sided friendship. It was exhausting. Frenemies may simply present themselves as a selfish friend who just never reciprocates the same quality of friendship you give to them

I could go on, but let's hear your definition of a frenemy. Have you ever had one? Have you ever been one?

Post-Wedding Update

2010-06-28T18:26:00.000-03:00

Hello my lovely readers! Now over a week post-wedding, I thought it was high time I posted some wedding snap-shots. We had an absolutely perfect day in every way, everything went amazingly well, and I am now a lucky man's wife. I'm also the luckiest woman I know to have my wonderful K. as my husband. We're so happy.

The first moment I saw him (I was at the back of the room; he was waiting at the front)

Signing the registry as Mr. and Mrs.

A sneak peak at our professional photos by Applehead Studio

Our friend Kirk snapped this one of the girls playing hopscotch at our photo location

Another Kirk photo of us at our photo location

The Newly-Wed Couple

Our first dance - song was Lift Me

Kissy Kissy

And finally, if you're a fan of black and white photography, and/or slideshows set to music, and/or weddings, this link was put together by our photographer and is a must-see. The song was our first dance:

Kim & Keegan Wedding Slideshow

What's on your Bucket List?

2010-06-14T21:35:00.000-03:00

About to make one of life's biggest commitments, I started thinking about other things I want to do in my life. At one time, getting married was on my bucket list - a distant possibility and one I wasn't hurrying toward. I never saw myself as the settle-down-and-share-my-life-with-someone type, and I thought that when I did, they'd be following me and my career around.

Anyway, here's a list of eleven other things I want to accomplish before I kick the old bucket. Why 11 and not 10? It's one more than 10.

1. Visit Iceland

2. Visit Africa

3. Skydive

4. Become an expert in something - occupational health and safety? (Dork dork dork!)

5. Spend a week or more volunteering in a foreign country

6. Participate in Habitat for Humanity

7. Have children

8. Run a half-marathon

9. White Water Rafting

10. Own Christian Louboutin shoes

11. Perfect my pin-up/vintage look and tell my life story through beautiful tattoos that are deeply meaningful.

There are dozens more, some big and some small. Really, though, why wait? Some of these things I can do soon or at least soon-ish. When you wait to do what really excites you, you wait to live your life. It's so easy to wish life away at the best of times - always planning and waiting for that next stage instead of living for today. Just some food for thought, although I'm as guilty as the next person of not abiding by the "live your life TODAY" principle.

What's on your bucket list?

A girl's last single weekend

2010-06-13T23:28:00.000-03:00

I know I'm all wedding this, wedding that these days - sorry!

So this was my last weekend as a Miss. Last weekend with my maiden name - last one to bear my last name in our bloodline. It's kind of a big deal. I'm seriously considering a tattoo to represent my maiden name. I just don't know how to make it work because my last name is also a man's first name. I don't want to be walking around with people wondering "Who is X?". We don't really have a family crest and it's not easy to represent pictorally, so I thought maybe simply "The Last Ms. X"....but I don't know...what do you think?

Aside from that, I had my wonderful bachelorette party on Friday night. I really really really enjoyed myself and also realized that it's a good thing I'm getting married off because I'm not exciting enough to lead the single life - I need someone to share my homebody tendencies with.

On a side note, you should SEE the dresses that 19 year old girls wear to the clubs now. I swear they should be called "skirtless dresses" and I was worried about seeing vaginas hanging out the bottom of those things. Disapprove. I know skankiness has been around for a long time but I could swear we didn't dress like that five years ago. It wasn't even that bad a year ago when I went dancing at the same club. Was it a Friday night think as opposed to a Saturday night?

Saturday was recovery day for me. I was back to almost 100% by noon, so K. and I ran some errands and then went to a friend's quarter-century bash at her boyfriend's restaurant that evening. It was a fantastic party, and I'm so excited to be hosting my rehearsal dinner Thursday at his Restaurant. If you're in the local area, try Tortoise and Hare....you will not be disappointed, but you will be hooked.

Today we went into hurricane-frenzy mode. You should have seen our apartment around noon - it wasn't fit for human occupancy. I finished up a bunch of DIY stuff and we inventoried/gathered all our decorations and other supplies for transport to the venue Saturday morning. I also finished planning the seating chart and the rehearsal dinner. Tick tock.

Now I am manically typing away waiting for sleepiness to hit - not sure I'm be capable of "sleepy" again for a week. I've got nervous energy for days, but it's all really positive, exciting energy.

I'll leave you for now with a couple pics from my bachelorette party :) Such a blast!

Can you say "Confidence Boost"??

2010-06-12T17:46:00.000-03:00

So my bachelorette party was last night - are you surprised I'm feeling well enough to even look at a computer screen? I am! I had an amazing time. We left the club before 1am, though - I am just too old for that these days. Those little 19 year old floozies in that place ALL seemed to be wearing dresses short enough that their vaginas were hanging out the bottom. Skirtless dresses if you will.

I digress.

Part of my bachelorette evening was getting my make-up and hair done by a make-up artist (Vicky Mina) and having a boudoir photo shoot with my wedding photographer. I was really nervous because I had a food issue the night before the shoot and I gained a bunch of bloating and water weight, but I learned a very valuable lesson: TRUST YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER! A good photographer makes any girl look like a model.

I can't say enough about the whole experience. It was classy, confidence inspiring, and so much fun. Liam and his assistant Jessica are so high energy and so fun to be around. The finished product is stunning, tasteful and just so much more than I thought was possible with "just me" as a subject. I will never call myself fat again (not to say I won't occassionally still feel fat). I feel like a goddess.

I have the best family and friends ever. Seriously.

Liam (Applehead Studio) would show me a shot here and there throughout the photo shoot and my confidence just kept growing. I am not a small girl - I usually wear a 10 or 12, plus bloating = like a 14 on occasion. But DAMN I look good. Check it out.

The first step to recovery...

2010-06-06T19:32:00.001-03:00

...Is admitting you have a problem.

I'm hereby admitting my addiction. Lululemon has a great deal of sway over my life. It's a problem. I've amassed a ridiculous collection. I spend spare time web-searching for that new coveted item that sold out before I could save the money and justify a purchase.

In the photo: Two remix sweaters, cocoon wrap, gym bag (worth its weight in gold), olive groove pants, Run: Team Spirit crops, Run: Speed Shorts, Run: Team Spirit LS, Athletic deep v tank, Flow Y IV bra, all-sport bra, satin pirouette headband.

Not pictured: pink headband, black groove pants (I'm wearing them)

Next planned acquisition: Wear With All jacket. Then I'll quit, I swear.

Like any addict, I will attempt to justify my addiction. I save and plan for every item, never putting it on credit. I also have gotten a lot of items via lululemon giftcards or gift money. I've been collecting for two years because the quality and function of all my items is unsurpassed.

I sweat a LOT while I work out (hot image), but I don't notice it when I'm wearing my lulu gear. That white tank top has been worn a million times and has never stretched, shrunk, stunk, or even discoloured after being sweat in and left for up to a week before washed. Although lululemon recommends washing all items in cold water and hanging to dry, most of their items have been pre-shrunk and can be thrown in the dryer without incident (I've proven this many times). Further more, all the items are stylish enough to be worn in public to run errands post-work-out...can't say that about my old cotton gym shorts and t-shirts!

My favourite item so far is my gym bag. I bought it this time last year when I needed a carry-on for a trip overseas. I priced some real carry-ons (ugly!) to be roughly the same price if I was going to purchase something with the intention of having it last for more than one trip. I have used that bag regularly ever since, as a purse, gym bag, carry-on, overnight, you name it!

The only issue with lululemon is how much of a trend brand it's become around here, especially since the store opened in this city. Every girl from 12 to 60 seems to have a remix sweater. Girls wear groove pants everywhere, and with fancy ballet flats; even to work around here. It drives me crazy. I love my lulu, but it all works out with me and I think it (generally) has no place in the office.

Do you have any guilty pleasure brands that you swear by? What sells you on it? Quality? Trend? Function? And what do you think of lululemon and the trend associated with it? It always drives me crazy to find something I love only to have the whole city traipsing around in it and giving those who buy it for its function a "brand whore" label.

Who has two thumbs and sucks at blogging?

2010-06-02T23:09:00.000-03:00

THIS GIRL! *Thumb-pointing at myself*

Um, yeeeeah, sorry about that. I ended one job, started another, and when I "woke up" I realized my wedding is right around the corner. Just over 2 weeks, actually. I can't believe it.

So with our wedding so close, we have no free time it seems. Even when I have "free time," I'm shopping for things like a bachelorette party outfit or other small details. I don't feel like I'll ever be completely done or ready. I'm really looking forward to being a wife with a life (due to not having to plan a wedding anymore).

I love, love, LOVE my new job. It's right up my alley and everyone I work with seems wonderful. I think I'm going to make my new long-term career goal to become an occupational health and safety consultant. It balances my need to use my problem-solving and research skills (academic ability), and my enjoyment of being out in the working work where people do physical work. I was always sort of a tomboy so I like getting my hands dirty from time to time, or at least pretending to.

Anyway, I miss blogging and commenting on other blogs so Imma try harder now. That's all for today! Peace out, homeslices.

Blogger friend call to action - need some advice.

2010-05-27T23:10:00.000-03:00

I know I've been absent from blogging AND I know this isn't very well written, but this is a call to action for all my readers, especially those who are married or are getting married soon.

So I went to my first dress fitting today.....my dress has to be let out half an inch on each side of my hips because it was sitting too high, causing the rest of it to bunch at the waist. Needless to say I am very upset because my one goal was to not need to have anything let out on my dress.

I've been struggling against my weight for four years now, and of course my goal was to lose weight before the big day, or at very least not gain any. And who knows - the scale said I haven't gained any real weight, so it's probably just bloating. Either way, doesn't make it any less shitty because that's $xxx of alterations I didn't expect to have to make. If it's bloating, it will all be for nothing once it goes away, and if I'm fat, well, I'm fat.
Also, I had on my whole outfit - veil, pearls, dress, shoes.....and I felt NOTHING. In fact, I just really wasn't that happy with the look. I love my dress, but something else wasn't right. I find once i try something on that doesn't fit, I resent the whole thing and I feel like that might have happened a bit tonight.

Maybe it was because I had no fancy hair or make-up, was standing in fluorescent lighting, and the dress wasn't fitting well?

I think that my veil is all wrong for me, too. It's a birdcage but it's quite long on my face and I think I need to alter it a bit. I just got contacts recently so I had always assumed that my glasses were what threw the look off.

Anyone else have bad fitting experiences? I really need some encouragement and some ideas. I'm almost positive my "weight" was bloating and that next week when the dress has been let out it won't have needed, and it costs hundreds of dollars to get dresses altered, so should I call back and ask them to stop? Or do I just suck it up and pay the money just in case I'm actually just fat?

Waterfalls & White People

2010-05-09T22:25:00.000-03:00

I went for a substantial day hike today with a good friend. My fiance is away and I start a new job tomorrow, so I knew I'd need to do something to keep my mind occupied and the nerves from bugging me. My plan started out simply as "go on an adventure" and evolved from there. I decided we should go find a waterfall, and then remembered one I visited ill-prepared last year. Secretly, I think I just wanted a serene place where nature sounds could drown out my thoughts.

We set out this morning and hiked 6.6km of backcountry trails - think steep climbs and decents - to a gorgeous waterfall area. We started the trail with another family who had a small child, but we outpaced them easily and had an incredible journey with no people-noise but our own conversation.

Have you ever visited the site Stuff White People Like? It's hilarious, and don't deny it, my caucasian friends, you know it's all true. So right up there with #51 - living by the water, #128 - Camping, and #9 - Making you feel bad about not going outside, we have placed Waterfalls. White people flock to waterfalls like moths to light. Case in point - last year while out driving in the country, K. and I found a sign saying "Falls - 8km" pointing back a dirt road. We definitely thought you could drive up and look at them. Turns out we had to walk 15 minutes back a ATV trail and then down 189 crazy steep wooden trail stairs - and then back up to get out. But, being a white person, I'd pretty much do anything to see a waterfall, so despite my flip-flops, down I went to the waterfall. We visited the same falls today and felt our 14 km round trip through back country and then logging roads with bear cub footprints was totally worth it. Waterfalls - Luring white people with natural beauty since 2006 (or so).

Here are a couple of photos I took of those captivating falls. They look kind of measly in my photos, but I'm a terrible photographer so you don't see their grandeur.

Post-hike, I calculated how many calories I burned by hiking hilly terrain with a 10lb pack for 4 hours - approximately 2,166. Rest assured my low-blood-sugar, freezing-cold arse had no problem ordering poutine with my chicken sandwich, scarfing back two pepsis, and adding some chocolate to that. It's a spectacular feeling to know that not only did I EARN that junk food, I probably really needed to eat it to keep me from going into starvation mode.

A friend drove drunk - what would you do?

2010-05-05T13:07:00.000-03:00

I hate drunk drivers, and I had the misfortune of learning that a friend did it recently.

I was out last Friday to celebrate my last day at my old job, and I was fortunate to be surrounded with well wishers. One colleague-turned-friend stuck with the small group of us right to the very end of the night, and we each had quite a few drinks. She was slurring away with every sentence.

We left, and K. and I started walking to our car (K. was DD and stone-cold sober – I suspect he was pretty tired of our drunk asses). The colleague-friend started walking with us, so we offered her a drive as she was headed to her friend’s place. She said the friend lived close so she would walk. We were almost to the car and she said, “Okay, my friend lives over at Park Vic so I’ll see you later.” I could see Park Vic. from where we were standing, so we let her go.

We got into the car and drove off. K. saw her get into a car, and the driver’s seat at that! We looped around the block as soon as we could to try and stop her from driving drunk but it wasn’t soon enough. The car was already gone and we didn’t find her walking where she said she would, either. We would have called the cops, but we didn't know what direction she headed off in nor exactly what car she was driving. Figuring it was futile to send them off on a goose chase, we let it go - although I feel desperately guilty about it.

She has called me a couple times this week and I just can’t pick up. I’m still not calm enough to deal with it verbally without saying something hurtful beyond the facts. I have no tolerance for drunk driving, and nor should I.

She emailed today and I emailed back a couple paragraphs about what I saw. I warned her that there is no room in my life for someone who takes such ridiculous risks, and that she put both her life and the lives of any number of others on the line. What I really wanted to say was, “You drunk b*tch, you basically could have committed murder. I don’t want anything to do with you, and I certainly won’t be going for drinks with you ever again”

This could have happened to her.

I'm going to go ahead and get up on my high horse now, okay? Ready?

I have never, EVER even considered driving drunk. I feel guilty after driving a couple of hours after ONE drink. I always plan ahead by leaving my car at home, even if that mean taking the bus for an entire day before I go out. I usually have a drive home planned (Thanks, K.!) or have bus or taxi fare put aside. I think I ended up leaving my car somewhere else once because I unexpectedly had a few too many, but I hadn't even considered going near it even though I was already under the influence.

So, my friends, if you knew for sure that an acquaintance or friend drove very drunk, what would you do? Would you give them a second chance or cut your ties (keeping in mind this is a new friend, not someone I’ve known and cared about for years)? I won’t ever be in a alcohol environment with her again, that’s for sure.

Guest Blogger: Kelly's "Making It" Story

2010-05-03T16:24:00.000-03:00

Hello all, and happy Monday. I'll have you know that my Monday off is going swimmingly, with a massage, some shopping, and a productive afternoon.

Say What?! recently featured a few posts about my past working situation and my future working situation. When Kelly at Making it After All prompted her readers to tell their Making It stories, it prompted me to think about my story these last few years. I sent in my story, and it will be featured on her new blog MISSION: Making it After All this week.

Kelly is a powerhouse of positivity and perseverance. Her blog is both funny and real. I invited her to share her story on Say What?! to showcase her strength and ambition. Without further ado, here's Kelly's guest post. Enjoy!

I was that girl who came to NYC hopeful and starry-eyed thinking all of life’s possibilities were within the reach of my fingertips. I wanted to be Mary Tyler Moore and throw my hat in the air like she did in her theme song. I was going to make it after all and I wouldn’t stop until I did. Except for the fact that I spent almost six months working temp jobs and serving shots at a bar. Nothing in my life seemed certain except for one thing: I was not going to stop until I reached my goal.

The week before I graduated college, I took a train to New York City to go on my first job interview. I was in the middle of finals and was only three weeks away from moving to the Big Apple. I was naïve enough to think that finding a job could be this easy. I even imagined that maybe, just maybe, they might offer me the job on the spot and I’d be set.

I was so wrong. I made the mistake of explaining that I saw the company “like Google, but for fashion.” The plastic woman interviewing me rolled her eyes and said, “We’re more than Google.” Whoops? I thought I was giving them a compliment.

That was my first lesson in making it after all. Sometimes you think you’re doing everything right, and things still don’t go your way. That didn’t stop me. I moved to New York and spent over five months looking for a job, getting rejection after rejection, and dreaming of throwing my hat in the air.

Eventually, I got the job. But that’s not to say my journey is over. I have so far to go. There is so much that I want to do, like travel, fall in love, write a book, pay off my student loans, etc. I want to make my life the best it can be. I want to throw my hat in the air over and over again. And I will… because I am making it after all. - Kelly Allen, Making it After All

What was your last "I'm gonna make it" moment?

Update on the cleanse and on life

2010-05-01T22:12:00.000-03:00

I’ve been slacking – big time. It has been a whirlwind of a month, and I’m hugely looking forward to my week off between jobs (massage and manicure, here I come!!).

Cleanse update: We didn’t follow through. I realized that I had an exciting last week at an organization I’d been at for a while, so I was booked to be treated to lunch no less than three times during the week. After trying to eat cleanse-approved at Smitty’s last Saturday, I knew my week would be miserable and not fully enjoyable if I stuck to my guns. We're planning to try again when life gets normalized.

Other news: Had my last day at my old job yesterday. Afterward, I organized some drinks at a local pub and almost all of my favourite co-workers came out. I had a fantastic time. I feel like I was really respected and well-liked.

I have a week off between jobs. K. will be away for two weeks beginning tomorrow, so I have some lovely plans paired with a real push to wrap up some loose wedding ends. I simply cannot believe that my wedding is in approximately six weeks. Where did the time go?
I hope to be posting daily next week. In the mean time, I’ll leave you with a photo of a mug I painted at a pottery café last weekend. I think it turned out really well, and it’s HUGE!

This is my idea of a perfect Saturday night - a magazine, a mug of tea, and a blankey.

What’s been going on in your lives, my friends? What's your favourite way to spend a Saturday evening?

Gonna Try a Cleanse

2010-04-23T20:12:00.000-03:00

K. and I are about to try a cleanse. No, none of those water-and-lemon only ones, or anything as severe as that. It amounts to basically an elimination diet.

I’ve been feeling like crud for a while. I have a number of problems that may or may not be related to preservatives and other crud in the mass amounts of junk food that I eat. I also have terrible skin these days. Likewise, K. finds he just wants junk food and bad things all the time. We BOTH want to be able to overcome our cravings.
Here’s the plan:
Lots of vegetables and fruits. No wheat, bread, cereal, etc. No dairy or dairy substitutes. Lean proteins such as nuts, fish, chicken. Water times a million. Olive oil and other omega-threes. Nothing from a package (except things like hummus that were clearly made in the store with whole ingredients)

My hopes for post-cleanse:
• Clearer skin
• Less bloat
• Improved attention and clarity of mind

I’ll be sharing it here with you. The hardest part will be giving up processed carbs and craving them like whoa. The easiest will be eating fruit – I love love love fruit!
We’re just about to head out to stock up. I know we’ll be making several trips to the grocery store this week, and I’m okay with that.

****
What we bought:
Strawberries, grapefruit, mango, lime, bananas, pears, canteloupe
Artichokes, asparagus, radish, bean sprouts, green beans, tomato, green onion, avocado
Organic boneless skinless chicken breast
Balsamic vinegar, hummus
Brown rice crackers - ingredients read brown rice, salt, and sesame seeds. That's it.

Tonight we're having: asparagus, boiled carrots, and lemon-pepper haddock (we had some groceries from earlier this week).
I feel:
I felt pessimistic, cold, and headachy while we were grocery shopping, and those feelings transferred a bit to my expectations of how I would feel all week. After supper, though, I’m feeling full, satisfied, and healthy. I'm going to try to include an "I feel" in each post.

Have you ever tried a cleanse? Did you feel like it had any real benefits? Would you try a cleanse?

Foes

2010-04-22T19:36:00.000-03:00

I was on facebook one night a couple years ago and stumbled across a hilarious idea. A friend of a friend (back when facebook accounts were not so private) posted a photo album called “Foes” full of things she hates or is afraid of. I totally pilfered the idea because we had no mutual facebook friends.

So without further ado, here is a pictoral look at my foes. The photos are sourceless because I nabbed them so long ago.

I hate pipe organs. They're terrifying. One time I got locked in a church with one...well, actually, I just was pushing when I should have been pulling the door....but I panicked.

Tastes like vomit, in my opinion. I've further expanded my hatred to all energy drinks for their stomach-eating powers.

This should be pretty self-explanatory - sting = hurt.

Lame pin-wheel hats, especially when the douches under the hats insist on keeping the status-symbol gold-sticker under the brim.

Pot holes. Break your car or slow down the line of traffic behind you by trying to strategically avoid them.

Mayonnaise is narsty. Yes, I'm aware of the r in my "narsty". It's THAT bad.

The hygenically challenged folks on public transit. You know, the ones whose hair is so dirty it smells, or whose jackets are so dirty they probably have a life of their own. Actually, let's add to this the ones who bathe in cologne or perfume, or who have just chain-smoked and smell like ashtrays. And, of course, there are the ones who smell like distilleries.

And, of course, those folks who bike three feet from the curb on busy, narrow streets in rush hour traffic. Pick a SIDE STREET!

So, do we have any of these in common? What are your funny fears or things that anger you? Do your friends ever make fun of you for it?

The Announcement you've all been waiting for

2010-04-22T19:12:00.000-03:00

This is going to be a bit of a “this & that” post.

I’m finally comfortable enough with this to actually announce it:

I GOT A NEW JOB! In my field, too.

After nearly two years of searching, I found a job in human resources. For those of you unfamiliar with job searching in Halifax, Nova Scotia, I can tell you only this – most people give up and move away. It is a town where you rarely get your job by merit, full of nepotism. It is a town with four universities within city limits and four others in the small province.

So yes, I got my dream job working in training and occupational health and safety for a national company. It’s a twelve-month term (initially) and it doesn’t pay quite as much as I thought it might, but I am going to work my rear off to ensure a future.

I have seven business days left in my current position as a secretary at the university I graduated from. It has been a frustrating, humiliating, humility-inspiring ride this past year and a bit since graduation, but at long last I feel like I’ve achieved something. I’m hoping to do a post soon about just what I have learned from the “struggle,” as I call it. I’m really starting to think there is truth in my old motto “Someday when I’m successful, I’m going to laugh about the road I took to get there”.

I’m taking a week off between jobs to (a) relieve stress, and (b) complete some wedding stuff. I still need to make our favours and my bouquet. I also need to find the perfect bridesmaids’ gifts…which I think I’ve found!

I also need to book in with a financial advisor so I can start planning my financial future. I don’t want to be the people who have no savings and take forever to pay down their debt. I want a plan. I want my money to grow (umm….can I think of the change from my morning coffee as money-tree seeds?).
Well, I’m off to entertain now – I bought my favourite shiraz and my favourite beer. Selfish of me as a hostess? Oh hell yes! It’s all about MOI tonight.

You can't always get what you want

2010-04-16T09:16:00.001-03:00

I’m waiting for some big news “before the end of the week”. It’s Friday morning, and I’m desperately hoping it won’t be 5pm before I hear something on this front – it would be awesome to relax (either way) sooner rather than later.

Also happening today was theoutnet.com’s first birthday sale, where designated designer items would be $1. Yup, you read that right: $1. Each customer who RSVPed to the sale would get to choose just one item. There was Marc Jacobs, Robert Cavalli, Chloe, etc etc…..each for $1. There was not one handbag there I wouldn’t have carried with pride; not one shoe I wouldn’t have spent $100 on inserts to make comfortable.

Anyway, The Outnet sent an email this week to say that the start time is a secret, but to watch your email on the 16th – which I did. At 7:51am this morning, an email saying the sale had started came to my iPhone. I picked up my things from the coffee shop at work and RAN to my work computer. It took me no more than five minutes from the email’s reception to the time I signed in to theoutnet.com.

Alas, it was already too late. Just like that, every handbag, every shoe, every accessory, and any clothes I would actually wear were g.o.n.e. If I wasn’t so shocked, I’d have cried.

A person can’t have it all, so if it was too much to get a fabulous new handbag or pair of Louboutins for $1 AND good news on the other front, I’m glad I lost out on the material things front.

Do you believe in those sorts of things? Almost like there has to be balance in the universe, so in a given day where you are really hoping for both A and B, only one of those will work out.

Not a man's woman anymore

2010-04-14T08:32:00.000-03:00

source

I was basically Elaine Bennis as a teenager. The episode where she befriends George’s fiancée was on a couple of days ago, and I loved this line: “She’s a man’s woman. Other women hate her, and she hates other women”.

I remember being proud of participating in the sarcastic back-and-forth and jabs between dudes. I thought it was so much better than shopping and talking about the boys with other girls. I hated the cattiness of female friendship. The nonsense rules of teenage chick friendship were too much for me: I’ll be your friend as long as you don’t buy the same shoes I just bought or flirt with the boy I like. I had some chick friends, but they were level-headed and related better to guys, too.

Somewhere along the line, though, it changed for me.

I still enjoy hanging out with all my male friends, don’t get me wrong, but I’m definitely lacking in the ability to participate in conversations in a dude-like manner. I can’t shrug off the funny cheap shots at my expense anymore, and I don’t feel comfortable taking jabs at the guys. I’ll admit, my feelings get hurt. They probably always did but I would never have admitted it ten years ago. I pussied out, big time.

So what happened ,then?

I think I’m, uh, comfortable in my own skin. I’m a girlie-girl who likes manly things. I wear pink clothes and heels, but I can tell you that it was a ’55 Chevy Nova parked over there. I like handbags and diamonds, but I have a pilot’s license. I can swing a hammer. Compassion and empathy are high up there on my list of defining personality traits. So are sarcasm and potty-mouth.

Bottom line, I like my chick friends because we can chat about shoes and cars and life dreams in the same sentence. I like my dude friends because there is no need to be anything less than blunt. I can’t really call myself a man’s woman or a woman’s woman anymore, but I’m totally okay with it.

Now, how do I get the guys to stop taking those cheap shots? Yeah….I can see that being a losing battle.

See a related post over at the Fired n Fabulous blog.

Do you relate best to friends of your own gender or the opposite? What makes you fume about girls or about guys (yup, stereotype away).

Diary of a Neurotic Twenty-something

2010-04-13T12:15:00.001-03:00

My heart has been in my throat since yesterday.

I have an important appointment in a few hours, and I’ve invested a massive amount of time making sure that everything is just right. Take a look into my slightly obsessive world. I only get like this when it's make or break because I hate to invest any of my energy in feeling like I didn't prepare well enough or that I'm missing something.

Step 1: Break out a note pad and pencil to jot notes. When I write something, I remember it. I also organize my thoughts as I write.

Step 2: Complete all personal grooming the evening before – pluck the eyebrows, remove all chipped nail polish and cut/file nails, shave legs, straighten hair....you get my drift.

Step 3: Rehearse important conversations while showering. Something about the shower is so cathartic – I can cry there, rehearse conversations, sing, make funny faces, and so on. I’m fairly certain anyone who heard me would have thought I was crazy, though.

Step 4: Perfect the outfit right down the accessories – grey pant suit, well pressed….hmm, which of these shirts will be my best option? This one. I’ll wear these shoes, my pearls and a set of pearl stud earrings. Nothing too over the top but simply polished.

Step 5: Begin packing the “Preparation Bag”. This is a tote with ABSOLUTELY everything I might need but probably/hopefully won’t need – lint brush, make-up basics, fine-tooth comb and hair gel, toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, portfolio with notes. The preparation bag underlines my neurosis but I hate to be caught without. The toothbrush is especially important.

Step 6: Relax a bit before bed, try to put it out of my mind and get a good night’s sleep. Double check the two alarm clocks I set because being late to work would put a seriously negative spin on my day. Squirt cat relentlessly with water as he claws at things and knocks things off flat surfaces.

Step 7: Wake up, and complete morning routine - jump into designated outfit, brush teeth, do hair, do make-up, eat something, drink a tall glass of water, finish packing the preparation bag, and leave house ridiculously early.

Step 8: Arrive at work ridiculously early, grab a coffee, start reviewing notes. Get bored with notes and convince self that checking in with my blogger reading list is a better way to relax.

Step 9: Put in a good, productive day at work. Leave workspace organized to clarify mind.

Step 10: Consume lots of water all day and just enough healthy food to keep hunger at bay.

Don't I look ready to take on the world? Well, my bathroom surroundings don't help but I forgot to take a photo from home.

Hmmmm, I thought writing out my nerves would help….but no, I think dwelling on my neurotic routine may have actually increased my anxiety. I think I’ll head outside for 5 minutes of sunshine and some deep meditative breaths.

When you have something important on your plate, how do you prepare? Are you a routine person or do you like to wing it? And what is the most neurotic process you have ever put yourself through?

What helps you start your work week well?

2010-04-12T11:25:00.000-03:00

Things that make for a GOOD Monday:

1. Having enough time to prepare on Sunday night – making a lunch, setting out an outfit, getting some relaxation/veg time.

2. Getting a full night’s sleep from the time the head hits the pillow to the time the alarm goes off.

3. Having fresh sheets and a soft mattress.

4. Having a great story to tell colleagues on Monday morning (see this post)

I feel kind of sacrilegious writing about a good Monday, especially since I know a good Monday is a foreign concept for a lot of my readers. None the less, maybe it’s possible to have a not-so-bad Monday?

source

Last night, I was scared it would be a rough day today. K. is gone on business for the week and I was prepared to have a battle royale overnight with our fierce feline who just loves to cause trouble at night. Just last week Marv knocked a glass off K.’s nightstand at 2:30 am, and it broke so we were picking up glass shards and soaking up water. K. is generally the one who gets out of bed to deal with him, since if I get out of bed, I’m done sleeping for the night. I’m so lucky, girls, and I know it. Anyway, the cat actually caused NO trouble for perhaps the first time in months. I got a full seven hours of sleep with kitty curled up in a neat ball beside me.

What sort of cosmos have to align for you to have a great start to your work week? Do you have a bedtime or morning routine that takes all the stress out of getting started? What happens if you don't complete the routine? I'm always curious to get insight into other people's lives and what works for them. I think they call it "nosy" these days.....

Three easy steps to ruin a bride-to-be's day

2010-04-11T16:55:00.000-03:00

Step 1: Make sure the bride and her fiance invest hours and hours of time printing wedding invitations, stuffing envelopes, and addressing them.

Step 2: Arrange for her fiance to leave for a business trip the day after mailing the invitations.

Step 3: Call the bride bright and early on the same day her fiance is leaving on business to tell her....wait for it.....

source

SHE PRINTED THE WRONG EFFING DATE!!!

Seriously. Ummm, attention to detail? Hello, Kim, is this not your wedding day? Most important day of your life to-date? Shouldn’t you know the date?
It said Saturday the (date before the real day) of (month). Spelled out. I’ve had a mental block on the date – I’m one day early about 30% of the time. But, really, I had to type it out in full, so you’d think that I would have realized it was wrong….or that K. would have realized when he proofed. But no.

Lucky for us, many little things came together and worked in our favour to minimize the impact of this massive blunder.
First, we mailed them from a retail postal outlet on Saturday, meaning they wouldn’t be picked up for delivery until Monday.

Second, that morning my mother called to tell us that a family favourite restaurant was closing its door that day and would we like to meet them there for a late lunch? We accepted and brought my parents their invitation.

Third, Mom opened the envelope either last night or this morning, and called early enough that we could formulate a plan to fix the problem before I had to take K. to the airport. We figured there was a good chance we could ask the postal outlet to retrieve the invitations we mailed yesterday if they hadn’t gone out for delivery yet. They very willingly obliged – I’ll be writing a letter of profound thanks later – and we got all of them back.

Fourth, the invitation kit we used was on sale for twenty bucks less than we originally paid – clearance because it’s been discontinued. We bought two just in case the printer messed up, but needed exactly one kit. We’ll be able to return the second kit to the store.

Finally – and this is just an added bonus – we were able to peel the postage stamps off the botched batch because they hadn’t been processed yet, so we didn’t lose any money there.

We had all of the re-prints done by 2 pm today, much to my relief. I have a lot of really important things going on this week and didn’t want yet another important task looming over my head with no help. They are now completely ready for me to delivery and drop off at the post office. K. said we’d be that couple from Rich Bride, Poor Bride on the couch laughing about how we ruined our invitations and had to re-print them.

Still, I don’t think I have to describe to you what a terrible start to my day that was. I'm just ridiculously thankful we got them re-done and nobody but my parents will have recieved a botched invitation.
Tell me about the last time your stomach sank as you realized you’d blundered something MAJORLY important. Did you get through it with little fallout? How did you solve it? Were you laughing about it later?

Passion and Purpose...where to begin?

2010-04-08T21:46:00.001-03:00

This morning a facebook friend posted a link to this blog entry about how you become your personal brand so you better make it genuinly you and you better be good at it.. It contained an exerpt from Hamlet: to thine own self be true.

To myself I must be true. This really resonated with me, to the point I am considering getting the Shakespeare quote as a tattoo. Permanently inked on my skin, it would be a reminder that if I’m not true to myself, to whom could I be true? There’s only one problem….I have to figure out how to be true to myself.

One thing is for sure: I am a ridiculously compassionate person. The Toronto Humane Society commercial set to Sarah McLachlan’s In the Arms of an Angel makes me bawl every time I see it. Silly little things like the bananas that get ripped apart from the rest of their bunch make me well up. I hate to think that anybody, any creature or even any thing would go unloved.

So with all this compassion for anything and everything ready to spring tears on me in embarassingly inopportune places and times, you’d think I’d be up to my chin in humanitarian endeavours or animal rescue or something, right?

No. I’m not.

A blog post on glamour.com asked “What are you passionate about?”. I thought and thought….and I realized that I’m really terrified to put my passion and my compassion to good use. For example, I love animals and I feel deeply for little critters with no forever home or ones who are mistreated, but I know I would be in tears all. the. time. Seriously. The writer of House of the Discarded blog reply-commented to my comment that the ups are worth the downs but I cried just reading her blog. A lot. And last year a news story broke about a group of teenage boys that broke into a family home and microwaved the family's cat to death - I cried for hours and felt devastated for days. I just really don't think I could handle the downs without losing some sanity.

So what’s a girl to do? I have to be honest, I’m terrified to invest parts of myself into something I really care about but come out the other side scarred because I know I’m just not making enough of a difference.

How do you find balance between knowing you’re helping, but knowing it’s never going to be enough?

As a side note, my love for animals is how we ended up with our cat Marvin. I was browsing "Free Stuff" ads on Kijiji and Marvin was there with this photo. There was just no way I could say no to his little monkey face.